顯示廣告
隱藏 ✕
※ 本文轉寄自 ptt.cc 更新時間: 2022-09-21 04:42:26
看板 marvel
作者 Lemonfish004 (檸檬魚)
標題 [翻譯] 兩句鬼話 24則
時間 Tue Sep 20 22:06:51 2022


是否經過原作者授權︰尚未

未經授權者,不得將文章用於各種商業用途
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
1.
我一覺醒來,發現自己變回18歲的樣子,但有著人生到30歲為止,發生之大小事的記憶。


我必須得把那些事情全部再照做一遍,不然我會永遠見不到自己的孩子,畢竟他們尚未出
生。

原文網址:https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/xim1g9/i_woke_up
I woke up in my 18 year old body, with all the knowledge of the 30 year old mind I left in the future. : TwoSentenceHorror 8.3k votes, 315 comments. If I don’t do everything exactly the same as last time, I’ll never see my children again, since they don’t exist yet. ...

 
_in_my_18_year_old_body_with_all_the/

2.
“你可能已經聽說,你的同事們昨晚出了車禍,且都已經去世了。”

“因為如此,我們現在人手嚴重不足,所以所有人必須多加班”

原文網址:https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/xiem6r/as_you_ma
“As you may have heard, a group of your coworkers died in a horrific car crash last night.” : TwoSentenceHorror 3.8k votes, 65 comments. “That being said, we’re understaffed and will need everyone to work overtime.” ...

 
y_have_heard_a_group_of_your_coworkers/

3.
當聽說兒子被人指控強姦時,我心都要碎了,但我相信他能撐過來並證明自己的清白,畢
竟他是個殘障人士。

開庭的前一晚,我發現他在衣櫥裡上吊自殺,且在地板上有從兒子的輪椅一路延伸到衣櫥
前的腳印。

原文網址:https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/xdyzst/my_heart_
My heart shattered when my son was accused of rape, but I knew he would pass the test and prove to the world that he was, in fact, disabled. : TwoSentenceHorror 7.3k votes, 175 comments. The night before the test, I found his body hanging in the closet, and on the floor there were his footprints that led all … ...

 
shattered_when_my_son_was_accused_of/

4.
我需要在20分鐘內把這披薩送到客人手中,不然我一毛錢都拿不到。

所以接下來我完全不會停車,就算是碰到紅綠燈或穿越馬路的行人也一樣。

原文網址:https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/xgooj3/i_need_to
I need to deliver this pizza in 20 minutes, or I have to give it to them for free. : TwoSentenceHorror 6.8k votes, 153 comments. And neither the red light, nor the crowd of people crossing the street are going to stop me. ...

 
_deliver_this_pizza_in_20_minutes_or_i/

5.
我一直都想要死後轉生成一隻貓,因為能有九條命聽起來就很酷。

但事實是,跟其他八個靈魂共用這具小小的軀體一點都不酷炫。

原文網址:https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/xg7dx8/i_always_
I always wanted to be reincarnated as a cat because the thought of having nine lives would be cool. : TwoSentenceHorror 6.6k votes, 88 comments. Turns out being stuck in this little body with 8 other souls isn’t cool. ...

 
wanted_to_be_reincarnated_as_a_cat/

6.
我今天去看了牙醫,因為我吃蘋果時牙齒一直出血。

但那並不是我的血。

原文網址:https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/xd5dr2/i_went_to

 
_dentist_because_i_kept_finding_blood_in/

7.
因為惡魔能附身在任何一個人身上,邪教首領拿出一袋護身符並分發給信眾。

在舉行儀式時,一位年輕女子意識到還有一個人未受到符咒的保護,同時她因體內的胎兒
不斷啃咬自己的身體而痛苦萬分。

原文網址https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/xgokzq/knowing_t
Knowing the demon could possess anyone who didn't have the protection, the cult leader brought out a bag of amulets and gave one to each member. : TwoSentenceHorror 3.2k votes, 32 comments. During the ritual a young lady realized there was one soul left unprotected, as she writhed in agony feeling the fetus … ...

 
he_demon_could_possess_anyone_who_didnt/

8.
當我猛幹自己的妻子時,她不停的尖叫並試圖掙脫,還試圖咬我。

我在她被咬後發誓會研發出解藥,但在那之前,我也是有生理需求的。

原文網址:https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/xhircr/as_i_fuck
As I fucked my wife, she screamed, struggled against her restraints, and tried to sink her teeth into me. : TwoSentenceHorror 7.1k votes, 256 comments. I swore after she was bitten I would find a cure, but until then, I still have my needs too. ...

 
ed_my_wife_she_screamed_struggled/

9.
“這些總共值5700元”(原文:"So,$5700 as is..,"),他邊說邊把買車的錢交給我。

但當我準備把我剛出生的兒子抱出車外時,我突然感到槍口抵著腦袋,並聽到子彈上膛聲
,接著他陰沉的說“我說過總共值5700元。”

(註:國外車庫拍賣中,標註 selling/sold as is 的商品指將東西以目前的狀況賣給買
家,這些商品以損毀品為主,且有特別標註 as is的商品,買家不得投訴商品品況不佳)

原文網址:https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/wu3i8r/so_5700_a
"So, $5700 as is," he said handing me the cash for my car. : TwoSentenceHorror 10.1k votes, 114 comments. But when I began unstrapping my newborn, I felt a cold barrel pressed against my head, heard a click, and then his … ...

 
s_is_he_said_handing_me_the_cash_for_my/

10.
我決定對女朋友惡作劇,所以我在她進門時朝她澆了一盆水。

她放聲大叫,同時臉變成了前女友的樣子。

原文網址https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/wy4g3u/i_decided
_to_prank_my_girlfriend_so_i_spilt_a/

11.
當我醒來時,發現自己全裸,躺在一間狹小且空無一物的房間,身上蓋著看似沙紙的東西


試著想想當“沙紙”開始移動時我有多害怕。

原文網址:
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/x83rcm/i_woke_up_completel
I woke up, completely naked, in a small, bare room, with what felt like sandpaper covering the floor. : TwoSentenceHorror 5.6k votes, 187 comments. Imagine my horror when that sandpaper started to move. ...

 
y_naked_in_a_small_bare_room/

12.
他躺在那,頭上流滿鮮血,且全身無法動彈。

扣下板機時,他從來沒想過要是失敗會怎麼樣。

原文網址:
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/x5ret6/he_lay_there_feelin
He lay there, feeling the blood run down the side of his head, unable to move at all. : TwoSentenceHorror 5.5k votes, 243 comments. When he had pulled the trigger he didn't think this could fail. ...

 
g_the_blood_run_down_the_side/


13.
算命師從塔羅牌占卜出,我應該去商店買一顆最大的水晶球,睡覺時把它擺在床頭當護身
符,我照做了。

當那家暴成性的丈夫再次攻擊我並緊勒我脖子時,水晶球不斷保護著我,直到他的腦袋變
成一灘肉泥為止。

原文網址:https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/w81dnk/the_tarot
The tarot reader emphasized that I should buy the biggest crystal the shop sold and keep it by my nightstand for protection, so I did. : TwoSentenceHorror 13.5k votes, 205 comments. When my abusive husband attacked me for the hundredth time and strangled me, the crystal protected me over and over until … ...

 
_reader_emphasized_that_i_should_buy_the/

14.
當我緊抓男朋友的手時,感到手掌已經變的冰冷。

嘆口氣,我把它放回微波爐加熱

原文網址:https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/snoj1h/as_i_grab
As I grabbed my boyfriend's hand, I noticed how cold it had become. : TwoSentenceHorror 13.3k votes, 213 comments. Sighing, I went to reheat it in the microwave. ...

 
bed_my_boyfriends_hand_i_noticed_how/

15.
“3,8,6,17,25,32,和43。”

“若您的年齡和剛剛唸到的數字一樣,請立即到最近的安樂死中心報到。

原文網址:https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/qhsnqr/3_8_6_17_
"3, 8, 6, 17, 25, 32 and 43" : TwoSentenceHorror
12.8k votes, 539 comments. "if your age was called up, please report to your nearest depopulation station" ...

 
25_32_and_43/

16.
我(42歲)的女兒(13歲)上周因為網路霸凌自殺了,然後今天警察居然逮捕了我!

為了讓她變的更堅強,我在網上裝成她的暗戀對象並發了許多信件,她一直都是個愛哭鬼
,這次自殺只不過是為了博人同情而已。

原文網址:https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/sg6buq/jan22_my_
[JAN22] My (42F) daughter (13F) took her own life last week after being subjected to online trolling, and today the police arrested ME! : TwoSentenceHorror 12.5k votes, 215 comments. The emails I sent pretending to be her school crush were to try and toughen her up - she’s always been a cry baby and her … ...

 
42f_daughter_13f_took_her_own_life_last/

17.
我的五歲兒子將他的聖誕禮物扔到牆上,並尖叫著說他想要的是PS5。

我們啞口無言看著他剛出生的妹妹,她毫無生氣的倒在地上。

原文網址:https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/rjxxu7/my_five_y
My five year old son threw his Christmas present against the wall, and screamed that he had wanted a fucking PS5 : TwoSentenceHorror 12.8k votes, 259 comments. We just stood there with our mouths hanging open, staring at the lifeless body of his newborn sister lying crumpled on … ...

 
ear_old_son_threw_his_christmas_present/

18.
媽媽一直說我剛出生的弟弟是天使。

在陽台上,我哭著向她道歉,因為我以為天使能飛。

原文網址:https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/rvwgcq/my_mom_al
My Mom always said that my baby brother is an angel. : TwoSentenceHorror 11.5k votes, 235 comments. I sat there crying to her on the balcony trying to explain I thought angels could fly. ...

 
ways_said_that_my_baby_brother_is_an/

19.
當得知地獄對縱慾過度的懲罰是得永世做愛時,我對著路西法大笑。

在那之後已經過了一個月,我的睪丸因長時間的摩擦而被腐蝕,但魅魔仍然沒有爽夠了的
樣子。

(註: 魅魔是歐州及中東傳說的女邪靈,會在夢境中出現並透過性交來勾引男人,傳說中
人與魅魔多次性交會導致健康受損,甚至死亡。)

原文網址:https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/rz5fek/i_laughed
I laughed in Lucifer's face when he told me the punishment in hell for Nymphomania was eternal sex. : TwoSentenceHorror 11.6k votes, 271 comments. It's been over a month now, the constant friction has eroded my genitals but the succubi just won't stop. ...

 
_in_lucifers_face_when_he_told_me_the/

20.
人能有不死之身真是上天的恩賜。

在這個饑荒肆虐的年代,不死者的癒合能力簡直是人類的救命稻草。

原文網址:https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/u6ddd8/immortali
Immortality is indeed a blessing. : TwoSentenceHorror
11.4k votes, 189 comments. In the age of famine, the immortals' perk of body regeneration is truly a gift to humanity ...

 
ty_is_indeed_a_blessing/

21.
“我說過想要的是白色的!”被寵壞的女孩在寵物店裡大叫,狂跺腳並開始大發脾氣。

當店主驚慌的將我趕回籠子時,我頭一次對自己是黑人感到慶幸。

原文網址:https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/qop8qa/i_said_i_
"I said I wanted a white one!" the spoiled girl in the pet shop shrieked, stomping her feet and begining to throw a fit. : TwoSentenceHorror 11.3k votes, 126 comments. As the panicked store owner ushered me back to my cage, I was suddenly grateful for my dark skin. ...

 
wanted_a_white_one_the_spoiled_girl_in/

22.
當我年輕時,有個靈媒告訴我有一天自己會失去信心。

現在,躺在醫院的燒燙傷病房裡,我意識到那位靈媒有口齒不清的毛病。

(註:靈媒實際要講的字是臉(Face),但因為口吃,主角聽成信心(Faith))

原文網址:https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/s6n3do/when_i_wa
When I was young a psychic once looked at me and told me that one day I would lose my faith. : TwoSentenceHorror 11.2k votes, 167 comments. Now, as I lay here in the burn center of the hospital on life support I realize that the psychic had a lisp. ...

 
s_young_a_psychic_once_looked_at_me_and/

23.
爺爺死後,翻看他的遺物讓我想起許多過往的回憶。

當看到他的經典A片收藏時,我想起自己曾經有個姐姐。

原文網址:https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/w2rptz/after_gra
After Grandpa died, sorting through his belongings brought back a lot of memories. : TwoSentenceHorror 11.2k votes, 214 comments. When we found his vintage porn collection, it reminded me that I used to have a sister. ...

 
ndpa_died_sorting_through_his_belongings/

24.
看著他將我綁在翻過來的除草機上,我求老公停下這一切。

我放聲尖叫,痛苦著將嬰兒推出身體,接著被迫看著刀片把我的孩子砍的不成人形。

原文網址:https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/qj73fr/i_begged_
I begged my husband to stop as he had me me hanging naked over an upside down lawnmower : TwoSentenceHorror 10.6k votes, 317 comments. I screamed in pain as my son was born and then I was forced to watch as the blades ripped him apart ...

 
my_husband_to_stop_as_he_had_me_me/











--
--
※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc), 來自: 42.73.222.47 (臺灣)
※ 文章代碼(AID): #1ZASacUG (marvel)
※ 文章網址: https://www.ptt.cc/bbs/marvel/M.1663682854.A.790.html
※ 編輯: Lemonfish004 (42.73.222.47 臺灣), 09/20/2022 22:08:07
※ 編輯: Lemonfish004 (42.73.222.47 臺灣), 09/20/2022 22:08:22
※ 編輯: Lemonfish004 (42.73.222.47 臺灣), 09/20/2022 22:08:35
※ 編輯: Lemonfish004 (42.73.222.47 臺灣), 09/20/2022 22:09:27
※ 編輯: Lemonfish004 (42.73.222.47 臺灣), 09/20/2022 22:09:54
※ 編輯: Lemonfish004 (42.73.222.47 臺灣), 09/20/2022 22:13:00
※ 編輯: Lemonfish004 (42.73.222.47 臺灣), 09/20/2022 22:13:46
yu800910: 慣老闆,加班個屁1F 09/20 22:34
lych9520487: 有幾個好噁2F 09/20 22:41
Henryyekaleo: 1是什麼意思3F 09/20 22:48
a2396494: 1就是必須重複他重生後到30歲的所有事情,不然他新出生4F 09/20 23:05
a2396494: 的孩子就不會是原本30歲那兩個孩子。
windwing: 好好看 謝謝翻譯6F 09/20 23:10
yayahahaha: 感謝翻譯。超好看的7F 09/20 23:11
GiuliaQV: 4很台灣欸8F 09/20 23:59
※ 編輯: Lemonfish004 (118.161.213.103 臺灣), 09/21/2022 00:06:16
curryhats: 6是誰的血?9F 09/21 00:42
Kuromi0929: 14是吉良吉影嗎10F 09/21 01:21
STILLKFC: 20是炎拳嗎11F 09/21 01:28
xxxxx919: 1感覺不止是講那麼表面的事,如果只是這樣沒有媽佛點吧12F 09/21 01:40
tearly: 3我看不懂。只是證明兒子沒做嗎?13F 09/21 01:50
3的主角因為兒子是殘障人士,所以認定他不可能強姦別人,但兒子最後是用走的到衣櫥
裡上吊,代表他並沒有殘廢。
※ 編輯: Lemonfish004 (118.161.213.103 臺灣), 09/21/2022 02:04:07
les150: 推14F 09/21 02:07
Mieke: 看不懂315F 09/21 02:08
yvonne13: 1不太懂…16F 09/21 02:09
blackerangel: 1看不懂......17F 09/21 02:16
qaz556644: 看到1就想到小說老婆請安份18F 09/21 02:17
aljinn: 砂紙是有什麼梗或該聯想到的東西嗎…我沒有想到19F 09/21 02:24
panhoho: 13滿溫馨的20F 09/21 02:40
aa123458910: 安樂死中心報到那篇不懂21F 09/21 03:08
aa123458910: 8也不太懂 他是在上動物而動物會傳染疾病給人嗎
stan750: 9是什麼意思23F 09/21 03:18
aa123458910: 9代表嬰兒跟車一起被賣掉了所以爸爸不准抱回來24F 09/21 03:32
opopkl852: 1媽佛的點應該是,就算知道什麼事情怎麼做會更好,但25F 09/21 03:32
opopkl852: 是為了能正確走向自己兩個孩子的未來,所以只能照本宣
opopkl852: 科重複一遍自己的人生,這大概就是為人父母無私的想法
poorNPC: 8是指妻子被殭屍之類的咬到感染?但丈夫還是需要解決生理28F 09/21 03:42
poorNPC: 需求,硬上殭屍老婆?
opopkl852: 我也覺得8是殭屍病毒之類的30F 09/21 03:43
noyuri1006: 我反而是2看不懂欸@@31F 09/21 04:03

--
※ 看板: Marvel 文章推薦值: 0 目前人氣: 0 累積人氣: 81 
分享網址: 複製 已複製
r)回覆 e)編輯 d)刪除 M)收藏 ^x)轉錄 同主題: =)首篇 [)上篇 ])下篇