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※ 本文為 Knuckles 轉寄自 ptt.cc 更新時間: 2013-06-03 10:03:55
看板 joke
作者 Refauth (山丘上的長號手)
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 Re: [笑話] Best joke ever 美國票選的50則短笑話

時間 Sun Jun  2 18:33:45 2013


TOP 50 JOKES OF ALL TIME
1.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!''
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.
She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!''
The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on,
                I'll hold your monkey for you.''
一位婦人帶著她的寶寶搭公車。
公車司機說:哇哩哭么!這真是我有史以來見過最醜的嬰兒!
這位婦人就走到公車後排座位坐下,心裡很火。
她對著坐她隔壁的男士說:這司機剛剛罵我!
她隔壁的男士就說:妳應該回去找他把話講清楚。去吧!我會幫妳照顧妳的小猴子。

2.
I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a
shitzu.
某天我去參觀動物園,結果動物園裡面只有一隻狗,一隻貴死人的西施犬。
(在美國犬類協會裡,西施狗是"非常~~~~"花錢的冠軍品種....)

3.
''Dyslexic man walks into a bra''
有閱讀障礙的男人總是朝華歌爾專賣店方向移動。
(把 Bra 看成 Bar)

4.
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is
having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day
she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs
the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging
and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds
to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''
有個金髮少婦因為害怕老公偷吃到快要抓狂,所以就跑去槍店買了把槍。
隔天她回到家就看到自家老公和個紅髮女人一起躺在床上。
於是她拿出手槍對著自己的頭要自殺。
這位先生急著跳下床哀求她懇求她千萬不要想不開。
金髮少婦歇斯底里地說:給我閉嘴!很快就換你了!

5.
I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?''
He said, ''How flexible are you?''
I said, ''I can't make Tuesdays''.
我對體操教練說:可以請你教我劈腿嗎?
他問:妳的彈性(時間)如何?
我答:禮拜二都沒空。

6.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the
other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.
警方逮捕了兩個屁孩,一個喝了電瓶溶液,另一個吞了一些鞭炮。
於是警方幫一個充電(起訴)然後把另一個點火炸了(釋放)。

7.
Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.
The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.
有兩組天線在屋頂相遇,墜入愛河,然後結婚了。
它們的結婚典禮慘不忍睹,偏偏禮金收到手軟。
(暗喻某些糟糕新人的婚宴根本詐騙集團XDDD)

8.
Another one was:  Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass ofHome'.
He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'.
'Is it common?'I asked.
'It's not unusual' he replied.
曾經某個鄉民說:醫生,我老是不停地唱 Green Green Grass of Home這首芭樂歌。
他說:聽起來像是 Tom Jones 併發症。
我問:這算正常嗎?
他答:不能算異常啦。
(哭爸的又在騙錢)

9.
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
我現在正在進行威士忌減肥法:顯然我又減掉三天的時間。

12.
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed,
I never knew they worked.
我岳母掉進許願井的時候我被嚇了一大跳,我從沒想過原來我的願望會被實現。
(好酸.....)

15.
There's two fish in a tank, and one says
''How do you drive this thing?''
有兩條魚生活在同一個水箱裡,其中一條魚說:你平常是怎麼開坦克車的?
(tank雙關語)

16.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
有一天我跑去雜貨店想買一些迷彩服卻一件也找不到。
(這也太迷彩了吧?!)

17.
When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said:
"I love the simple things in life,but I don't want one of them for my husband".
當 Susan 的男朋友向她求婚的時候,她說:我喜愛生活中各種單純的東西,只是我不希望我的男朋友也是其中之一。
(快滾吧!腦筋單純的蠢貨!)

18.
''My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.
We'll see about that.''
我的臨床醫師說我對於報仇這件事的看法並不正確,我想我們馬上就會知道怎麼回事。
(患者:嘿嘿嘿嘿嘿!)

19.
I rang up British Telecom,
I said, ''I want to report a nuisance caller'',
he said ''Not you again''.
我打電話給英國電信公司說:我要檢舉一個愛打惡意電話的人
對方說:怎麼又是你。
(怎樣?有意見咻?狂叩ing~)

20.
I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week,
phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.
上禮拜我遇到一個荷蘭女,穿著一雙很囂張的鞋子在"膨風"。
後來我打電話想找她出來約會,不幸的是她已經"膨風"致死。
(看來荷蘭人不適合穿高跟鞋....)

(暗酸身高太高)


.......以下部份努力中...........

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◆ From: 111.250.11.66
isamare:沙發空缺中 還不快搶~06/02 18:51
kalin1002:搶二樓!06/02 18:52
B0Y0:一堆人還沒看完文章  先推06/02 19:00
whatid:先推吧06/02 19:00
belleaya:4跟5都還不賴~06/02 19:03
taco20:4是在酸金髮女嗎?06/02 19:04
KingKingCold:是滿A老外偏見 金髮 = 笨蛋06/02 19:07
kimokimocom:就是那個超級老梗的blonde都是傻瓜的梗..06/02 19:07
zsp7009:我覺得六很好笑阿 XD06/02 19:07
windycat:西施shitzu音同shit zoo狗屎動物園 這樣吧?06/02 19:09
感謝糾正(其實我自己也覺得自己翻譯得怪怪的...)
belleaya:15.兩隻魚在魚缸(坦克)裡,其中一隻問「要按怎駛?」06/02 19:11
belleaya:18.心理醫師說我報復欲很強。哼,等著瞧!
jason90929:good06/02 19:12
coolboy16:第5個好雙關06/02 19:13
ilyvonne:第三個我突然想到一個4年級生或聽相聲的人才會懂的哏!!06/02 19:15
belleaya:30.真開心我贏了一個比賽,獎品是一年份的Marmite醬..1罐06/02 19:15
belleaya:   (Marmite=某種味道很奇特的醬料,可以Google看看評語)
ilyvonne:有個有閱讀障礙的男人,走進了黛安芬,而不是黛安娜06/02 19:15
belleaya:31.去中餐館點完餐,一隻鴨子過來說「妳眼睛像鑽石般閃亮06/02 19:20
belleaya:   我叫侍者過來:「我說要一隻烤鴨(aromatic duck),」
belleaya:   「不是浪漫的鴨子!! (a romantic duck)」
zgoi:2的意思是想說shit zoo吧06/02 19:21
zgoi:原來上面已有人推文@@
belleaya:22.睡得很沉(睡得像木頭一樣),隔天醒來竟然在壁爐裡。06/02 19:23
belleaya:35.我去超市客訴說他們醋裡怎麼有結塊,店員說:
belleaya:   那些是醃洋蔥啦!!那些是醃洋蔥啦!!那些是醃洋蔥啦!!
belleaya:42.我朋友同時愛上了兩個書包,他是雙包戀。
belleaya:   (用bi-satchel諧音bisexual雙性戀;satchel是包包)
belleaya:好多其實都不怎麼好笑= =懶得翻了~~
※ 編輯: Refauth         來自: 111.250.11.66        (06/02 19:36)
higan:1F 06/02 19:57
azer7890:笑了2F 06/02 20:03
HornyDragon:我快被手搞死了,請您加油。3F 06/02 20:08
※ 編輯: Refauth         來自: 111.250.11.66        (06/02 20:25)
※ 編輯: Refauth         來自: 111.250.11.66        (06/02 20:30)
pride829:4F 06/02 20:46
chuck81424:47. http://ppt.cc/nIHy5F 06/02 21:06
Weggie Kray - WordReference Forums
I was reading through a forum and I found a topic called "Tim Vine one-liners". I came across this joke: "So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it was Weggie Kray." I'm afraid that I don't get it :P Could anyone explain it to me, please? Thank you :) ...
 
pml0415:7的reception可當收訊,所以可以當收訊很好的意思6F 06/02 21:34
pLxxoy:感謝翻譯蒟蒻7F 06/02 21:38
hudson109:7只是在玩雙關而已吧  不好笑8F 06/02 21:40
abckk:推推9F 06/02 21:45
akanokuruma:7.是說婚禮糟但收訊佳(婚宴佳10F 06/02 22:02
akanokuruma:跟禮金無關的說
openbestbook:看中文沒笑 重看英文嘴角有抽動XD12F 06/02 22:03
umano:這篇是會一直變長嗎XD13F 06/02 22:13
jsb:我想我們馬上就會知道怎麼回事 => 咱們就走著瞧!14F 06/02 23:11
tinyrain:8的"It's not unusuaul"是Tom Jones的一首歌,扣前面的15F 06/02 23:26
tinyrain:Tom Jones症候群的雙關,不是醫生騙錢...
tinyrain:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNj9aVmYR_w
Tom Jones - It's Not Unusual (AVO SESSION 2009) - YouTube
Tom Jones - It's Not Unusual (AVO SESSION 2009)

 
ruokcnn:2是shit Zoo的諧音18F 06/03 01:29
LoveBea:xd19F 06/03 04:18
cktyler:辛苦了20F 06/03 08:42

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( ̄︶ ̄)b WantUrLife3K 說讚!
1樓 時間: 2013-06-02 22:26:42 (日本)
  06-02 22:26 JP
有些的確翻譯了笑點就消失了 但R大有心 辛苦了
2樓 時間: 2013-06-02 22:32:21 (日本)
  06-02 22:32 JP
8. 醫生最後那句 "It's not unusual" 是Tom Jones名曲
所以笑點是醫生也換了一樣的病
TAT 轉錄至看板 JUNGLE (使用連結) 時間:2013-06-05 20:50:47
r)回覆 e)編輯 d)刪除 M)不收藏 ^x)轉錄 同主題: =)首篇 [)上篇 ])下篇