※ 本文轉寄自 ptt.cc 更新時間: 2021-10-02 03:17:24
看板 marvel
作者 標題 [翻譯] Reddit兩句短篇
時間 Fri Oct 1 00:37:39 2021
因為每一篇都超短，所以我將16篇一起PO出來
每一篇都會附上原文連結以及原作者
未經授權者，不得將文章用於各種商業用途
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1.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceH...hers_head_on_the_wall_knowing/
I look at my father's head on the wall, knowing that he'll finally be proud of me today. : TwoSentenceHorror 22.3k votes, 276 comments. Then I look back at the terrified hunter and sink my antlers into his chest. ...
我看著掛在牆上父親的頭，知道他今天會以我為榮。
再轉頭看向受到驚嚇的獵人，將角捅入他胸腔。
2.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceH...s_grandpa_would_weep_and_rave/
In his last days, Grandpa would weep and rave about the fires of Hell, and I wondered how such a good man could fear such a thing. : TwoSentenceHorror 21.5k votes, 268 comments. After the funeral I found the photographs, and learned for the first time that his days in Buchenwald had not been spent … ...
祖父臨死前又哭又鬧，囔囔地獄中的火有多可怕，我想不透這麼好的人怎麼會擔心入地獄
呢？
喪禮過後我翻出一些照片，才知道原來當初在布亨瓦德集中營的他並不是被關的那個。
3.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceH...sound_of_crickets_outside_the/
I used to hate the sound of crickets outside the lonely farmhouse. : TwoSentenceHorror 21.3k votes, 205 comments. Now every time they go silent I know that thing is passing by, and I pray for them to chirp again. ...
我原本很討厭農舍外的蟋蟀聲。
現在每當牠們安靜無聲時，我就知道那東西正經過這裡，只能祈禱著蟋蟀恢復鳴叫。
4.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceH..._could_only_look_at_my_killer/
Unable to move I could only look at my killer. : TwoSentenceHorror 19.6k votes, 137 comments. In a fit of childish curiosity my two year old pulled the plug. ...
動彈不得的我只能看著要殺我的人。
我兩歲的孩子在好奇心的驅使下拔掉了插頭。
5.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceH...always_got_creeped_out_by_the/
My last girlfriend always got creeped out by the 14 'weird' dolls I kept on display. : TwoSentenceHorror 19.5k votes, 341 comments. I have a new girlfriend now, and she wants me to throw out all 15 of the 'disturbingly lifelike' dolls. ...
我前女友總是覺得我那14個「奇怪」的娃娃很恐怖。
如今我有新女友了，而她希望我把那15個「栩栩如生到變態」的娃娃通通丟掉。
6.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceH...our_kids_half_an_hour_ago_sir/
“Your wife picked up your kids half an hour ago, sir.” : TwoSentenceHorror 19.3k votes, 218 comments. I rushed out so fast I didn’t tell the school that I didn’t have a wife, and I began to cry as I realized I was finally … ...
「先生，你老婆半小時前就接走小孩了。」
我很快地衝出了學校，顧不及跟他們說我沒有老婆，並且開始哭了起來。我終於擺脫那些
討人厭的小鬼了。
7.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceH...nt_divorce_my_husband_because/
Truth be told, I didn’t divorce my husband because of the countless photos of his mistresses’ tits I found in his phone. : TwoSentenceHorror 19.2k votes, 178 comments. I divorced him because they weren’t attached to a body. ...
老實說，我並不是因為老公的手機裡有無數張小三奶子的照片才跟他離婚的。
而是因為那些胸部已經不在身體上了。
8.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceH..._supernatural_ability_to_know/
“I’ve always had the supernatural ability to know where someone was by looking at a photo of them. : TwoSentenceHorror 19.1k votes, 308 comments. So it pained me to tell the mother of a missing child that her daughter was in several different places.” ...
「我有個超能力，看到照片就可以知道那個人在哪。」
我實在不忍心告訴這位媽媽，她走失的女兒在好幾個不同的地方。
9.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceH...d_when_my_beautiful_niece_was/
I was devastated when my beautiful niece was chosen as this harvest’s virgin sacrifice. : TwoSentenceHorror 19.1k votes, 406 comments. I fucking doomed us all. ...
我崩潰了。我那美麗的姪女被選中成為今年的處女祭品。
大家被我害死了。
10.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/j5i583/thanks_for_the_gold_kind_stranger/
"Thanks for the gold, kind stranger!" : TwoSentenceHorror
19.1k votes, 142 comments. I said, as I slowly ripped out his dental implant. ...
19.1k votes, 142 comments. I said, as I slowly ripped out his dental implant. ...
「感謝你的金子，善良的陌生人。」
我一邊說一邊慢慢將他的植牙扯出來。
11.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceH...brother_so_i_returned_him_the/
"I didn't want a baby brother, so I returned him," the girl proudly told her parents. : TwoSentenceHorror 19.0k votes, 165 comments. Outside, the marabou stork pulled flesh greedily from the small carcass lying at its feet. ...
「我不想要弟弟，所以我把他退回去了。」小女孩驕傲地跟他父母說。
房外的禿鸛正貪婪地撕裂著腳下的小屍體。
12.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceH..._i_found_out_my_daughter_is_a/
I was furious when I found out my daughter is a drug addict, I immediately took the drugs away and grounded her. : TwoSentenceHorror 18.9k votes, 387 comments. Doesn't she know there's no such thing as "depression" and you can find happiness in Jesus? ...
當我得知我女兒是癮君子的當下我憤怒極了，立刻把所有的藥都沒收，並且將她禁足。
難道她不知道根本沒有所謂的「憂鬱症」嗎？只要相信耶穌就可以獲得幸福的啊！
13.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceH...up_to_me_while_screaming_that/
A guy just ran up to me while screaming that somebody had locked him in a basement, blindfolded him, and starved him for days. : TwoSentenceHorror 17.8k votes, 154 comments. You should’ve seen the look of absolute horror on his face when he recognized my voice. ...
一名男子剛剛跑向我，喊著有人將他鎖在地下室、將他蒙上眼、餓了他好幾天。
你真該看看他認出我聲音時那驚恐的表情。
14.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceH...kthrowing_little_shit_from_up/
"Here comes that rock-throwing little shit from up the street," the first bird said. : TwoSentenceHorror 17.8k votes, 157 comments. "I wouldn't worry--he's only got one stone," the second bird replied. ...
「那個亂丟石頭的死屁孩又來了，」第一隻鳥說道。
「別擔心啦，他只有一顆石頭。」第二隻鳥回答。
15.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceH...s_nothing_to_be_afraid_of_mom/
"Do you see now there's nothing to be afraid of?" mom asked as she emerged from my closet. : TwoSentenceHorror 17.6k votes, 192 comments. "Yes mommy," I lied, noticing her mole was now on the left. ...
「你看，沒什麼好怕的吧？」媽媽從衣櫥走出來時說道。
「好的，馬麻。」我說謊了，因為她臉上的痣跑到左邊了。
16.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceH...ces_you_dont_worry_there_is_a/
If the thing notices you, don't worry, there is a gun in the backpack in the kitchen. : TwoSentenceHorror 17.6k votes, 348 comments. However it only has one bullet, so make sure to aim for your forehead , just to be sure. ...
如果那東西發現到你，別擔心，廚房內的後背包裡有槍。
但是只有一發子彈。所以最好往自己的前額開槍，以防萬一。
---------------------------------------------
為了讓語句通順，有做些小修改。
一樣要感謝LEEPACE大大幫我校稿!
來一些翻譯完的mumur，把內容看過一遍後發現一堆根本不marvel阿ORZ
不管啦，都已經翻譯了(欸
有些根本就是人怖，像是憂鬱症那篇。對啦，不知足才會得憂鬱症啦！
(這是反諷，我絕對沒有這麼認為)
有些是黑色幽默，像是一石二鳥那篇。
然後最後一篇的底下留言讓我長知識了。
有人提到說如果想快速了結自己生命千萬不要選擇從前額開一槍，
因為額頭是頭顱最堅硬的地方，因此開下去可能會反彈偏掉。
不確定是否有人翻譯過了，但沒關係再看一遍吧XD
一樣希望大家看完可以給點回饋，讓我知道大家比較喜歡哪類，之後會多翻翻。
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※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc), 來自: 1.173.1.94 (臺灣)
※ 文章代碼(AID): #1XLUVhlo (marvel)
※ 文章網址: https://www.ptt.cc/bbs/marvel/M.1633019883.A.BF2.html
推 : 推1F 10/01 00:52
推 : 有的有點好笑哈哈2F 10/01 00:57
噓 : 看不懂43F 10/01 01:18
推 : 4應該是他戴著生命維持器之類的4F 10/01 01:21
推 : 推5F 10/01 01:46
推 : 14什麼意思6F 10/01 01:57
推 : 推，不過鳥那篇不懂，只有一顆石頭所以只能丟一隻鳥然7F 10/01 01:59
→ : 後呢？
→ : 後呢？
推 : 15是什麼意思？9F 10/01 02:06
推 : 9我看不懂耶，誰可以解釋一下10F 10/01 02:07
→ : 15的意思應該是走出來的媽媽是不同人了，小孩因為害
→ : 怕所以說謊。
→ : 15的意思應該是走出來的媽媽是不同人了，小孩因為害
→ : 怕所以說謊。
推 : 9是他讓姪女失貞使獻祭無效13F 10/01 02:12
→ : 15是衣櫃出來的不是他媽
→ : 鳥的我也看不懂
→ : 15是衣櫃出來的不是他媽
→ : 鳥的我也看不懂
推 : 6看不懂，為何終於擺脫小孩然後還要哭著跑出去？16F 10/01 02:23
推 : 6是不是快樂倒哭出來哈哈哈哈哈17F 10/01 02:24
推 : 鳥就是諺語呀，一石二鳥18F 10/01 02:25
推 : 9笑死19F 10/01 02:37
推 : 9是笑話吧 快笑死20F 10/01 04:36
推 : 被9戳到笑點XD21F 10/01 04:38
推 : 有幾個很經典22F 10/01 05:03
推 : 推翻譯23F 10/01 07:09
推 : 鳥應該是只有一個會被犧牲吧24F 10/01 07:34
推 : 6是喜極而泣25F 10/01 07:48
推 : 6改成老婆半小時「前」就接走，應該比較好懂26F 10/01 09:15
感謝! 我漏打了XDD推 : 以前有本外科醫生寫的書，作者說曾遇過一個人拿槍對自27F 10/01 09:24
→ : 己額頭開槍後，帶著有傷口的後腦意識清楚被送進醫院，
→ : 後來檢查的結果是那人的額骨比較厚一點再加上角度的關
→ : 係，讓子彈在頭皮底下從額頭沿著顱骨一路跑到後腦才跑
→ : 頭皮來，另外作者也有說要自殺就不要對著太陽穴開槍，
→ : 因為那裏有塊很硬的骨頭容易卡住子彈，只會感覺像被拳
→ : 擊手打一拳而已，作者也曾對朝太陽穴開槍自殺但子彈被
→ : 骨頭卡住的人解釋這裏是急診室而讓對方很失落，然後再
→ : 送他去精神科
長知識了!!→ : 己額頭開槍後，帶著有傷口的後腦意識清楚被送進醫院，
→ : 後來檢查的結果是那人的額骨比較厚一點再加上角度的關
→ : 係，讓子彈在頭皮底下從額頭沿著顱骨一路跑到後腦才跑
→ : 頭皮來，另外作者也有說要自殺就不要對著太陽穴開槍，
→ : 因為那裏有塊很硬的骨頭容易卡住子彈，只會感覺像被拳
→ : 擊手打一拳而已，作者也曾對朝太陽穴開槍自殺但子彈被
→ : 骨頭卡住的人解釋這裏是急診室而讓對方很失落，然後再
→ : 送他去精神科
推 : 都還不錯36F 10/01 09:47
推 : 6是小孩被陌生人拐走了，但爸爸其實很討厭小孩，所以喜37F 10/01 10:11
→ : 極而泣
→ : 極而泣
推 : 之所以有"吞槍自殺"的講法, 就是其中一種最穩的射殺自己39F 10/01 10:27
→ : 方法, 是口含槍管然後往斜上開槍, 保證子彈不會撞骨頭,
→ : 而是從口腔內直達延髓以至腦袋, 確實造成致命破壞
為什麼大家對於這方面知識這麼多啦XD→ : 方法, 是口含槍管然後往斜上開槍, 保證子彈不會撞骨頭,
→ : 而是從口腔內直達延髓以至腦袋, 確實造成致命破壞
推 : 原本看不懂鳥，感謝一石二鳥的解說哈哈42F 10/01 11:06
推 : 推943F 10/01 11:55
推 : 7 乳房整形外科醫師表示：這只是我要讓客人選的型錄啦44F 10/01 12:21
阿哈哈哈哈這個理由可以欸XDD※ 編輯: angelofdeath (1.172.141.67 臺灣), 10/01/2021 12:44:04
推 : 謝謝翻譯 好看45F 10/01 12:59
推 : 搭配推文更棒了XD46F 10/01 13:44
推 : 推47F 10/01 14:11
推 : 第一個好哀傷 鹿鹿QQ48F 10/01 14:29
推 : 推49F 10/01 15:13
推 : 推文補充的比較恐怖XD50F 10/01 17:08
推 : 推51F 10/01 17:27
推 : 推52F 10/01 18:31
→ : 超愛短篇系列
→ : 超愛短篇系列
推 : 推54F 10/01 19:07
推 : 如果不敢（？）吞槍的話，另一個方法是抵住下顎開槍，成功55F 10/01 19:31
→ : 率也很高
→ : 率也很高
推 : 感謝翻譯推57F 10/01 20:20
推 : 推58F 10/01 22:22
推 : 推59F 10/01 22:25
推 : 有趣60F 10/01 22:41
推 : 推61F 10/02 00:44
推 : 有趣62F 10/02 00:46
推 : 推63F 10/02 03:12
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