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原文連結：http://ppt.cc/rzgK
我英文不強，翻不好還請指正，謝謝
感謝Fred Pei的協助

HOW DO COURT RECORDERS KEEP STRAIGHT FACES????
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people
 actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters
 that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
法庭簿記員怎麼能看起來這麼淡定????
這些是從"Disorder in the American Courts"上節錄的對話，
是真實在法庭裡發生並且由法庭簿記員在(必須保持淡定的)折磨中記錄下來的

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
律師：你老公那天早上對你說的第一句話是什麼？
證人：他說＂凱西，我在哪？＂
律師：這為啥讓你不開心？
證人：我叫蘇姍！
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
律師：被撞的時候你在什麼車子裡？
證人：Gucci汗衫和Reeboks
註：gear可當身上穿的東西也可指車子，但車子是較英式用法
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
律師：你性生活美滿(active)嗎？
證人：喔我都不動(active)的
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
律師：你的生日是哪天？
證人：7月18日
律師：哪一年？
證人：每年都是
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
律師：你兒子多大？和你住一起那位
證人：38還是35，我記不太清楚
律師：那他和你一起住了多久？
證人：45年 
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
律師：這種重症肌無力會影響你的記憶力嗎？
證人：會
律師：它用什麼方式影響你的記憶力？
證人：我忘了...
律師：你忘了？你能舉例說明你忘記什麼了嗎？
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
律師：醫師，一個人在睡夢中過世，他到第二天之前都不會知道這件事，這是真的嗎？
證人：你真的有通過律師考試嗎？
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
律師：最小的兒子，20歲那位，請問他年紀多大？
證人：20，跟你智商一樣
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
律師：你被拍下這張照片時人在哪？
證人：你在惡搞我嗎？
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
律師：（嬰兒的）受孕日期是8月8日嗎？
證人：是的
律師：那你當時在做什麼？
證人：在愛愛
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
律師：她有三個小孩對嗎？
證人：是的
律師：有多少是男孩？
證人：沒有
律師：有任何女孩嗎？
證人：庭上，我想我需要不同的律師。我可以換個新律師嗎？
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
律師：你第一次婚姻的終止原因是？
證人：死亡終止
律師：那是誰死亡使它終止？
證人：你猜
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
律師：你能描述這個人嗎？
證人：他大概中等身材，有留鬍子
律師：這是個男人還女人？
證人：除非鎮上有馬戲團，不然我想應該是男的
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
律師：你今早在此出現是根據我寄給你律師的通知嗎？
證人：沒，我平常工作都這樣穿
註：appearance可當外貌或出現的意思
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
律師：醫生，你在多少死人身上施行過屍體解剖？
證人：全部都是（死人）。給活人做屍體解剖要打太多架了
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
律師：你全部的回答都必須是口頭的，OK？你上哪所學校？
證人：口交學校...
註：這篇好難翻出笑點... 還是要看英文才有fu q_q
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
律師：你記得你檢查這身體的時間嗎？
證人：屍檢是從晚上8點半開始的
律師：丹頓先生當時是死的嗎？
證人：如果還沒，那大概我結束的時候他就死了
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
律師：你有資格提供檢驗用的尿樣嗎？
證人：你有資格問這問題嗎？
______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
律師：醫生，在你做屍檢前有沒有檢查過脈搏？
證人：沒
律師：那有檢查血壓嗎？
證人：沒
律師：有檢查呼吸嗎？
證人：沒
律師：所以，病人有可能在你執行屍檢的時候還活著嘍？
證人：不可能
律師：你怎能確定？
證人：因為他的大腦已經在我桌上一個罐子裡了
律師：了解，但儘管如此，有沒有可能病人其實還活著？
證人：嗯，有可能他還活著而且還可以當律師

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※ 作者: QQcat 時間: 2013-05-12 08:13:58
※ 編輯: QQcat 時間: 2013-05-12 08:27:02