※ 本文轉寄自 ptt.cc 更新時間: 2022-09-21 04:42:26
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作者 標題 [翻譯] 兩句鬼話 24則
時間 Tue Sep 20 22:06:51 2022
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1.
我一覺醒來，發現自己變回18歲的樣子，但有著人生到30歲為止，發生之大小事的記憶。
我必須得把那些事情全部再照做一遍，不然我會永遠見不到自己的孩子，畢竟他們尚未出
生。
原文網址：https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/xim1g9/i_woke_up
I woke up in my 18 year old body, with all the knowledge of the 30 year old mind I left in the future. : TwoSentenceHorror 8.3k votes, 315 comments. If I don’t do everything exactly the same as last time, I’ll never see my children again, since they don’t exist yet. ...
2.
“你可能已經聽說，你的同事們昨晚出了車禍，且都已經去世了。”
“因為如此，我們現在人手嚴重不足，所以所有人必須多加班”
原文網址：https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/xiem6r/as_you_ma
“As you may have heard, a group of your coworkers died in a horrific car crash last night.” : TwoSentenceHorror 3.8k votes, 65 comments. “That being said, we’re understaffed and will need everyone to work overtime.” ...
3.
當聽說兒子被人指控強姦時，我心都要碎了，但我相信他能撐過來並證明自己的清白，畢
竟他是個殘障人士。
開庭的前一晚，我發現他在衣櫥裡上吊自殺，且在地板上有從兒子的輪椅一路延伸到衣櫥
前的腳印。
原文網址：https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/xdyzst/my_heart_
My heart shattered when my son was accused of rape, but I knew he would pass the test and prove to the world that he was, in fact, disabled. : TwoSentenceHorror 7.3k votes, 175 comments. The night before the test, I found his body hanging in the closet, and on the floor there were his footprints that led all … ...
4.
我需要在20分鐘內把這披薩送到客人手中，不然我一毛錢都拿不到。
所以接下來我完全不會停車，就算是碰到紅綠燈或穿越馬路的行人也一樣。
原文網址：https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/xgooj3/i_need_to
I need to deliver this pizza in 20 minutes, or I have to give it to them for free. : TwoSentenceHorror 6.8k votes, 153 comments. And neither the red light, nor the crowd of people crossing the street are going to stop me. ...
5.
我一直都想要死後轉生成一隻貓，因為能有九條命聽起來就很酷。
但事實是，跟其他八個靈魂共用這具小小的軀體一點都不酷炫。
原文網址：https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/xg7dx8/i_always_
I always wanted to be reincarnated as a cat because the thought of having nine lives would be cool. : TwoSentenceHorror 6.6k votes, 88 comments. Turns out being stuck in this little body with 8 other souls isn’t cool. ...
6.
我今天去看了牙醫，因為我吃蘋果時牙齒一直出血。
但那並不是我的血。
原文網址：https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/xd5dr2/i_went_to
I went to dentist because I kept finding blood in my apples : TwoSentenceHorror 4.5k votes, 149 comments. It wasn't my blood ...
7.
因為惡魔能附身在任何一個人身上，邪教首領拿出一袋護身符並分發給信眾。
在舉行儀式時，一位年輕女子意識到還有一個人未受到符咒的保護，同時她因體內的胎兒
不斷啃咬自己的身體而痛苦萬分。
原文網址：https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/xgokzq/knowing_t
Knowing the demon could possess anyone who didn't have the protection, the cult leader brought out a bag of amulets and gave one to each member. : TwoSentenceHorror 3.2k votes, 32 comments. During the ritual a young lady realized there was one soul left unprotected, as she writhed in agony feeling the fetus … ...
8.
當我猛幹自己的妻子時，她不停的尖叫並試圖掙脫，還試圖咬我。
我在她被咬後發誓會研發出解藥，但在那之前，我也是有生理需求的。
原文網址：https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/xhircr/as_i_fuck
As I fucked my wife, she screamed, struggled against her restraints, and tried to sink her teeth into me. : TwoSentenceHorror 7.1k votes, 256 comments. I swore after she was bitten I would find a cure, but until then, I still have my needs too. ...
9.
“這些總共值5700元”（原文："So,$5700 as is..,")，他邊說邊把買車的錢交給我。
但當我準備把我剛出生的兒子抱出車外時，我突然感到槍口抵著腦袋，並聽到子彈上膛聲
，接著他陰沉的說“我說過總共值5700元。”
（註：國外車庫拍賣中，標註 selling/sold as is 的商品指將東西以目前的狀況賣給買
家，這些商品以損毀品為主，且有特別標註 as is的商品，買家不得投訴商品品況不佳）
家，這些商品以損毀品為主，且有特別標註 as is的商品，買家不得投訴商品品況不佳）
原文網址：https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/wu3i8r/so_5700_a
"So, $5700 as is," he said handing me the cash for my car. : TwoSentenceHorror 10.1k votes, 114 comments. But when I began unstrapping my newborn, I felt a cold barrel pressed against my head, heard a click, and then his … ...
10.
我決定對女朋友惡作劇，所以我在她進門時朝她澆了一盆水。
她放聲大叫，同時臉變成了前女友的樣子。
原文網址：https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/wy4g3u/i_decided
I decided to prank my girlfriend, so I spilt a water bucket on her while she was entering the room. : TwoSentenceHorror 6.2k votes, 125 comments. She screamed as her face turned into my ex. ...
11.
當我醒來時，發現自己全裸，躺在一間狹小且空無一物的房間，身上蓋著看似沙紙的東西
。
試著想想當“沙紙”開始移動時我有多害怕。
原文網址:
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/x83rcm/i_woke_up_completel
I woke up, completely naked, in a small, bare room, with what felt like sandpaper covering the floor. : TwoSentenceHorror 5.6k votes, 187 comments. Imagine my horror when that sandpaper started to move. ...
12.
他躺在那，頭上流滿鮮血，且全身無法動彈。
扣下板機時，他從來沒想過要是失敗會怎麼樣。
原文網址:
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/x5ret6/he_lay_there_feelin
He lay there, feeling the blood run down the side of his head, unable to move at all. : TwoSentenceHorror 5.5k votes, 243 comments. When he had pulled the trigger he didn't think this could fail. ...
13.
算命師從塔羅牌占卜出，我應該去商店買一顆最大的水晶球，睡覺時把它擺在床頭當護身
符，我照做了。
當那家暴成性的丈夫再次攻擊我並緊勒我脖子時，水晶球不斷保護著我，直到他的腦袋變
成一灘肉泥為止。
原文網址：https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/w81dnk/the_tarot
The tarot reader emphasized that I should buy the biggest crystal the shop sold and keep it by my nightstand for protection, so I did. : TwoSentenceHorror 13.5k votes, 205 comments. When my abusive husband attacked me for the hundredth time and strangled me, the crystal protected me over and over until … ...
14.
當我緊抓男朋友的手時，感到手掌已經變的冰冷。
嘆口氣，我把它放回微波爐加熱。
原文網址：https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/snoj1h/as_i_grab
As I grabbed my boyfriend's hand, I noticed how cold it had become. : TwoSentenceHorror 13.3k votes, 213 comments. Sighing, I went to reheat it in the microwave. ...
15.
“3，8，6，17，25，32，和43。”
“若您的年齡和剛剛唸到的數字一樣，請立即到最近的安樂死中心報到。”
原文網址：https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/qhsnqr/3_8_6_17_
"3, 8, 6, 17, 25, 32 and 43" : TwoSentenceHorror
12.8k votes, 539 comments. "if your age was called up, please report to your nearest depopulation station" ...
12.8k votes, 539 comments. "if your age was called up, please report to your nearest depopulation station" ...
16.
我（42歲）的女兒（13歲）上周因為網路霸凌自殺了，然後今天警察居然逮捕了我！
為了讓她變的更堅強，我在網上裝成她的暗戀對象並發了許多信件，她一直都是個愛哭鬼
，這次自殺只不過是為了博人同情而已。
原文網址：https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/sg6buq/jan22_my_
[JAN22] My (42F) daughter (13F) took her own life last week after being subjected to online trolling, and today the police arrested ME! : TwoSentenceHorror 12.5k votes, 215 comments. The emails I sent pretending to be her school crush were to try and toughen her up - she’s always been a cry baby and her … ...
17.
我的五歲兒子將他的聖誕禮物扔到牆上，並尖叫著說他想要的是PS5。
我們啞口無言看著他剛出生的妹妹，她毫無生氣的倒在地上。
原文網址：https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/rjxxu7/my_five_y
My five year old son threw his Christmas present against the wall, and screamed that he had wanted a fucking PS5 : TwoSentenceHorror 12.8k votes, 259 comments. We just stood there with our mouths hanging open, staring at the lifeless body of his newborn sister lying crumpled on … ...
18.
媽媽一直說我剛出生的弟弟是天使。
在陽台上，我哭著向她道歉，因為我以為天使能飛。
原文網址：https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/rvwgcq/my_mom_al
My Mom always said that my baby brother is an angel. : TwoSentenceHorror 11.5k votes, 235 comments. I sat there crying to her on the balcony trying to explain I thought angels could fly. ...
19.
當得知地獄對縱慾過度的懲罰是得永世做愛時，我對著路西法大笑。
在那之後已經過了一個月，我的睪丸因長時間的摩擦而被腐蝕，但魅魔仍然沒有爽夠了的
樣子。
（註: 魅魔是歐州及中東傳說的女邪靈，會在夢境中出現並透過性交來勾引男人，傳說中
人與魅魔多次性交會導致健康受損，甚至死亡。）
原文網址：https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/rz5fek/i_laughed
I laughed in Lucifer's face when he told me the punishment in hell for Nymphomania was eternal sex. : TwoSentenceHorror 11.6k votes, 271 comments. It's been over a month now, the constant friction has eroded my genitals but the succubi just won't stop. ...
20.
人能有不死之身真是上天的恩賜。
在這個饑荒肆虐的年代，不死者的癒合能力簡直是人類的救命稻草。
原文網址：https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/u6ddd8/immortali
Immortality is indeed a blessing. : TwoSentenceHorror
11.4k votes, 189 comments. In the age of famine, the immortals' perk of body regeneration is truly a gift to humanity ...
11.4k votes, 189 comments. In the age of famine, the immortals' perk of body regeneration is truly a gift to humanity ...
21.
“我說過想要的是白色的！”被寵壞的女孩在寵物店裡大叫，狂跺腳並開始大發脾氣。
當店主驚慌的將我趕回籠子時，我頭一次對自己是黑人感到慶幸。
原文網址：https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/qop8qa/i_said_i_
"I said I wanted a white one!" the spoiled girl in the pet shop shrieked, stomping her feet and begining to throw a fit. : TwoSentenceHorror 11.3k votes, 126 comments. As the panicked store owner ushered me back to my cage, I was suddenly grateful for my dark skin. ...
22.
當我年輕時，有個靈媒告訴我有一天自己會失去信心。
現在，躺在醫院的燒燙傷病房裡，我意識到那位靈媒有口齒不清的毛病。
（註：靈媒實際要講的字是臉（Face），但因為口吃，主角聽成信心（Faith））
原文網址：https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/s6n3do/when_i_wa
When I was young a psychic once looked at me and told me that one day I would lose my faith. : TwoSentenceHorror 11.2k votes, 167 comments. Now, as I lay here in the burn center of the hospital on life support I realize that the psychic had a lisp. ...
23.
爺爺死後，翻看他的遺物讓我想起許多過往的回憶。
當看到他的經典A片收藏時，我想起自己曾經有個姐姐。
原文網址：https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/w2rptz/after_gra
After Grandpa died, sorting through his belongings brought back a lot of memories. : TwoSentenceHorror 11.2k votes, 214 comments. When we found his vintage porn collection, it reminded me that I used to have a sister. ...
24.
看著他將我綁在翻過來的除草機上，我求老公停下這一切。
我放聲尖叫，痛苦著將嬰兒推出身體，接著被迫看著刀片把我的孩子砍的不成人形。
原文網址：https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/comments/qj73fr/i_begged_
I begged my husband to stop as he had me me hanging naked over an upside down lawnmower : TwoSentenceHorror 10.6k votes, 317 comments. I screamed in pain as my son was born and then I was forced to watch as the blades ripped him apart ...
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※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc), 來自: 42.73.222.47 (臺灣)
※ 文章代碼(AID): #1ZASacUG (marvel)
※ 文章網址: https://www.ptt.cc/bbs/marvel/M.1663682854.A.790.html
※ 編輯: Lemonfish004 (42.73.222.47 臺灣), 09/20/2022 22:08:07
※ 編輯: Lemonfish004 (42.73.222.47 臺灣), 09/20/2022 22:08:22
※ 編輯: Lemonfish004 (42.73.222.47 臺灣), 09/20/2022 22:08:35
※ 編輯: Lemonfish004 (42.73.222.47 臺灣), 09/20/2022 22:09:27
※ 編輯: Lemonfish004 (42.73.222.47 臺灣), 09/20/2022 22:09:54
※ 編輯: Lemonfish004 (42.73.222.47 臺灣), 09/20/2022 22:13:00
※ 編輯: Lemonfish004 (42.73.222.47 臺灣), 09/20/2022 22:13:46
裡上吊，代表他並沒有殘廢。
※ 編輯: Lemonfish004 (118.161.213.103 臺灣), 09/21/2022 02:04:07
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※ 編輯: Lemonfish004 (42.73.222.47 臺灣), 09/20/2022 22:08:22
※ 編輯: Lemonfish004 (42.73.222.47 臺灣), 09/20/2022 22:08:35
※ 編輯: Lemonfish004 (42.73.222.47 臺灣), 09/20/2022 22:09:27
※ 編輯: Lemonfish004 (42.73.222.47 臺灣), 09/20/2022 22:09:54
※ 編輯: Lemonfish004 (42.73.222.47 臺灣), 09/20/2022 22:13:00
※ 編輯: Lemonfish004 (42.73.222.47 臺灣), 09/20/2022 22:13:46
推 : 慣老闆，加班個屁1F 09/20 22:34
推 : 有幾個好噁2F 09/20 22:41
推 : 1是什麼意思3F 09/20 22:48
推 : 1就是必須重複他重生後到30歲的所有事情，不然他新出生4F 09/20 23:05
→ : 的孩子就不會是原本30歲那兩個孩子。
→ : 的孩子就不會是原本30歲那兩個孩子。
推 : 好好看 謝謝翻譯6F 09/20 23:10
推 : 感謝翻譯。超好看的7F 09/20 23:11
→ : 4很台灣欸8F 09/20 23:59
※ 編輯: Lemonfish004 (118.161.213.103 臺灣), 09/21/2022 00:06:16推 : 6是誰的血？9F 09/21 00:42
推 : 14是吉良吉影嗎10F 09/21 01:21
推 : 20是炎拳嗎11F 09/21 01:28
推 : 1感覺不止是講那麼表面的事，如果只是這樣沒有媽佛點吧12F 09/21 01:40
推 : 3我看不懂。只是證明兒子沒做嗎？13F 09/21 01:50
3的主角因為兒子是殘障人士，所以認定他不可能強姦別人，但兒子最後是用走的到衣櫥裡上吊，代表他並沒有殘廢。
※ 編輯: Lemonfish004 (118.161.213.103 臺灣), 09/21/2022 02:04:07
推 : 推14F 09/21 02:07
推 : 看不懂315F 09/21 02:08
推 : 1不太懂…16F 09/21 02:09
推 : 1看不懂......17F 09/21 02:16
推 : 看到1就想到小說老婆請安份18F 09/21 02:17
推 : 砂紙是有什麼梗或該聯想到的東西嗎…我沒有想到19F 09/21 02:24
推 : 13滿溫馨的20F 09/21 02:40
推 : 安樂死中心報到那篇不懂21F 09/21 03:08
推 : 8也不太懂 他是在上動物而動物會傳染疾病給人嗎
推 : 8也不太懂 他是在上動物而動物會傳染疾病給人嗎
推 : 9是什麼意思23F 09/21 03:18
→ : 9代表嬰兒跟車一起被賣掉了所以爸爸不准抱回來24F 09/21 03:32
推 : 1媽佛的點應該是，就算知道什麼事情怎麼做會更好，但25F 09/21 03:32
→ : 是為了能正確走向自己兩個孩子的未來，所以只能照本宣
→ : 科重複一遍自己的人生，這大概就是為人父母無私的想法
→ : 是為了能正確走向自己兩個孩子的未來，所以只能照本宣
→ : 科重複一遍自己的人生，這大概就是為人父母無私的想法
推 : 8是指妻子被殭屍之類的咬到感染？但丈夫還是需要解決生理28F 09/21 03:42
→ : 需求，硬上殭屍老婆？
→ : 需求，硬上殭屍老婆？
推 : 我也覺得8是殭屍病毒之類的30F 09/21 03:43
推 : 我反而是2看不懂欸@@31F 09/21 04:03
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馬投顧表示，除私訊外，以後X將無法封鎖別人的帳號，並表示這功能本身就不合理 真的是佩服他的邏輯，沒看過有人想把社交軟體的黑單功能拔掉的== 補個恰點：248F 106推 26噓![]()
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