Top 50 Chuck Norris Facts & Jokes
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Browse through the top 50 Chuck Norris Facts. Click on a fact to have it printed on a t-shirt.

While vacationing in France, Chuck Norris went out for a casual bike ride and accidentally won the Tour de France.

When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris

Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic

Chuck Norris won American Idol using only sign language

Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.


Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.


Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afriad to move.


When Chuck says "Jump!".... You say "Off What?"


Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards


There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

Once the cop pulled over Chuck Norris....the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.

If you rate this 5 roundhouse kicks, then Chuck Norris WILL roundhouse kick Justin Bieber's ass.


Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.


Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.


Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

Chuck Norris can sit in the shade...in an open field.

Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.


When Chuck Norris walks into a courtroom, the judge stands up and says, "All rise".

Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter


Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet.
The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.


Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it


Light just wishes it was a fast as one of Chuck's fists.





Chuck Norris is the only man who can put M&M's in alphabetical order.


Chuck Norris grew a beard at the age of eighteen. Seconds.



Chuck Norris uses paper to cut scissors.


Chuck Norris can break water in half.


Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.


Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.


Chuck Norris flew his first paper airplane when he was 4 years old. It landed yesterday.


Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience


After a shower, Chuck Norris dosen't need a towel, he just tells the water to get the hell off!


Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris doesn't need Twitter, he's already following you.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.


Chuck Norris once kicked the Earth, it hasn't stopped spinning.

In Monopoly, you pay Chuck Norris to stay off your property.

Chuck Norris can drink from an empty cup.


Chuck Norris once played with Legos. The result was The  Pyramids.

Chuck Norris is so intimidating even his reflection won't look back at him.


Uri Geller bends spoons with his mind, Chuck Norris bends minds with a spoon


Chuck Norris doesn't turn on the shower he looks at it untill it crys


Chuck Norris can drown fish.


Chuck Norris has an Xbox Live account. On Playstation


Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake........ After three days of pain and agony ..................the rattle snake died


Chuck Norris gets the Sunday papers on Thursday


Usually when kids go to sleep they sleep with a teddy bear...Chuck Norris sleeps with an actual bear


The sheep on Chuck Norris' farm are the ones that give us steel wool.


When children go to bed, they take a teddy bear with them. When Chuck Norris goes to bed, he takes a grizzly bear with him.


Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.


Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves