看板 joke作者 fishyfish (fishyfish)標題 [笑話] 米國醫生笑話 XD時間 Sat Jan 10 22:07:11 2015
<米國醫生笑話>
米國醫生在醫院常常會互糗對方
有些可能要有點醫療背景才會覺得好笑 XD
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Q: 麻醉科醫生的 A B C 指的是什麼?
(What's ABC of Anesthesiology?)
A: 呼吸道,書,椅子
(Airway, Book, Chair)
Q: 開刀房裡外科醫生和麻醉科醫生中間的分隔單學名叫做什麼?
(How do you call the surgical drape separating the anesthesiologist from the surgeon?)
A: 血腦屏障
(Blood- brain barrier)
Q: 下午三點,醫院裡最危險的地方是哪裡?
(what's the most dangerous place in the hospital at 3pm?)
A: 皮膚科醫生與他的車之間
(between a dermatologist and his car.)
Q: 電梯門快關了,內科醫生會怎麼做?
(What will an internist do when he is trying to catch an elevator?)
A: 用手擋
(He will use his hand)
Q: 電梯門快關了,外科醫生會怎麼做?
(What will a surgeon do when he is trying to catch an elevator?)
A: 用腳擋
(He will use his foot)
Q: 電梯門快關了,骨科醫生會怎麼做?
(What will a orthopedic surgeon do when he is trying to catch an elevator?)
A: 他會用頭擋
(He will stick his head in the closing doors)
Q: 醫學生和大便有什麼差別?
(What's the difference between a med student and shit?)
A: 你不會沒事去踩大便
(You wouldn't step on shit.)
Q: 如何讓外科醫生發笑?
(What makes a surgeon laugh?)
A: 給他看你這禮拜的值班表
(Show him your call schedule this week)
Q: 如何讓皮膚科醫生發笑?
(What makes a dermatologist laugh?)
A: 給他看外科醫生的值班表
(Show him a surgeon's call schedule.)
Q: 外科醫生和神有什麼差別?
(What's the difference between God and a surgeon?)
A: 神不會認為自己是外科醫生
(God doesn't think he's a surgeon)
Q: 皮膚科的秘訣是什麼?
(What's the secret in dermatology?)
A: 如果是濕的,擦乾它。如果是乾的,弄濕它。都不行,類固醇
(If it's wet, dry it. If it's dry, wet it. If all else fails, use steroids.)
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醫生:去看看那位快生的病人。我要你檢查一下她擴張了沒有
Doctor: Go see this patient, she's going into active labour.
I want you to check if she's dilated or not.
醫學生: 呃,好,我去看看
Med Student: Um, okay. I will go check.
醫學生看了病人,檢察了她的眼睛,然後走了回來
Medical student sees patient, checks the patient's eyes, then reports back.
醫學生: 呃,兩個看起來都擴張的挺厲害的
Med Student: Um…I think they both look pretty dilated.
醫生: 兩…個……?
Doctor: ……both?
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一位物理教授在跟一位想考醫學院的學生解釋十分複雜的物理原理,學生突然打斷教授
A physics professor was explaining a complicated concept when a premed
student interrupted him.
"我們為什麼要學這狗屁?"學生憤怒的大叫
"Why do we have to learn this bullshit?" the young man blurted out.
"救人一命" 教授冷靜的回答
"To save lives," the professor replied calmly.
"物理原理哪會救人啊?"
"How does physics save lives?"
"會,物理會救人性命",教授接著說下去,"這種題目會讓某些人考不進醫學院"
"It does. Physics saves lives," the professor said, "because it keeps
certain people out of medical school."
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(以下是之前分享過的XD)
How do you hide a $100 dollar bill from a general surgeon?
(你要如何從一般外科醫生那裡把100元鈔票藏起來?)
Just put it in the patient's notes.
(放在病人的病歷裡就好了)
How do you hide a $100 dollar bill from an orthopedic surgeon?
(你要如何從骨科醫生那裡把100元鈔票藏起來?)
Just put it in a textbook.
(放在醫學課本裡面就好了)
How do you hide a $100 bill from a CT surgeon?
(你要如何從胸腔外科醫生那裡把100元鈔票藏起來?)
Just paste it to their kid's forehead. He will never see it.
(黏在他小孩的額頭上。他絕對不會發現的)
How do you hide a $100 dollar bill from a plastic surgeon?
(你要如何從整形醫生那裡把100元鈔票藏起來?)
It's a trick question. You can't.
(不好意思,辦不到)
How do you hide a $100 from a radiologist?
(你要如何從放射科醫生那裡把100元鈔票藏起來?)
Put it on the patient.
(放在病人身上)
How do you hide a $100 from an internist?
(你要如何從內科醫生那裡把100元鈔票藏起來?)
Easy, just put it under a dressing.
(很簡單,放在繃帶下)
what do you call 2 medical students looking at a EKG?
(兩個醫學生一起看心電圖叫作什麼?)
a double blind study
(雙盲研究)
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knows everything, does nothing
(什麼都知道,什麼做不了)
Neurologist
(神經科醫生)
knows nothing, does everything
(什麼都不知道,什麼都做)
Surgeon
(外科醫生)
knows nothing, does nothing
(什麼都不知道,什麼都不做)
Psychiatrist
(精神科醫師)
knows everything, does everything but too late
(什麼都知道,但是不管做甚麼都已經太晚了)
A pathologist
(病理醫生)
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A medical student, family doctor, an internist, a surgeon and a
pathologist go duck hunting.
(一個醫學生,一個家庭醫生,一個內科醫生,一個外科醫生,還有一個病理醫生
一起去打獵)
The medical student is the first to raise his shotgun, but unable
to tell if the duck is really a duck, he does not shoot.
(醫學生是第一個舉起獵槍的,但是他沒有開槍.. 因為他無法分別那是否
真的是一隻鴨子)
The family doctor goes "here's a bird", shoots, kills.
He concludes "it looked like a duck, sounded like a duck,
was killed by duck shot, it was a duck!".
(家庭醫生說:?這是鳥科類的動物",冷靜開槍,殺了動物。
他做了結論:"他看起來像隻鴨子,聽起來像隻鴨子,又被我一槍殺了,他一定是隻鴨"
The internist points his gun, but does not shoot. "This probable
bird certainly looks like a female mallard, but I must be sure of
what I am killing before shooting. A juvenile Mesopotamian sea duck
would look exactly the same!".
(內科醫生舉起了獵槍,但是他沒有開槍. "這個鳥科動物看起來很像母姓綠頭鴨,
可是我一定要完全確定後才能開槍,因為幼年的美索不達米亞海鴨有可能看起來跟
這隻一模一樣!)
The surgeon goes "look, it flies! Boom", then turns to the pathologist
and asks "So, what was it?".
(外科醫生大喊: "大家看,有東西在飛! 碰!",然後轉身跟身邊的病理醫生說
:" 你幫我看看,那到底是啥玩意兒?")
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小百合的學醫隨筆:)
http://www.facebook.com/lilyfishyfish
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推 xczh: 電梯的那段看不懂 @@?4F 01/10 22:31
推 newversion: 我想是這樣啦(吧 )骨科:覺得頭最硬 外科:要留著手開刀內科:雙手廢了也無所謂5F 01/10 22:34
推 ykten: 神經科醫生有這麼廢嗎XD我RUN完神內超崇拜這科的7F 01/10 22:34
推 Jarcat: 電梯是酸骨科不用腦,內科不會用到手11F 01/10 23:56
推 RrEpic: 精神科醫師哭哭喔 XDDDDD12F 01/10 23:59
推 fenghoho: 下午三點最危險的地方不懂...15F 01/11 00:03
推 LT134P: 因為皮膚科醫師可能接觸、診斷過有傳染性皮膚病的患者19F 01/11 00:08
推 cj6u40: BBB通常翻成血腦屏障或血腦障壁20F 01/11 00:12
推 yandin: 考不上醫學系就算了連醫學系的笑話都看不懂..21F 01/11 00:12
推 HornyDragon: Blood- brain barrier一般翻成血腦屏障
靠腰原來上面已經有人說了XDDD
擴張的那個有夠髒......25F 01/11 00:21
推 tatata: 不是因為皮皮科三點趕著下班離開啊?
給皮皮科看外科值班表超北爛的29F 01/11 00:26
→ Cruel2: 應該只是說皮膚科很早下班33F 01/11 00:45
推 carolsp: 高級酸酸 XDDDDD34F 01/11 00:46
※ 編輯: fishyfish (36.232.171.15), 01/11/2015 00:47:55
※ 編輯: fishyfish (36.232.171.15), 01/11/2015 00:48:25
※ 編輯: fishyfish (36.232.171.15), 01/11/2015 00:49:33
推 Eloye: 這篇給柯p看不知他有啥反應,Kp:老子不當市長啦~明天開始攻讀神經內科35F 01/11 00:53
推 ogisun: 不是叫他看眼睛吧
google了一下 應該是子宮頸39F 01/11 01:20
推 phages: 未看先推小百合!43F 01/11 02:24
推 hcln24: 難怪主刀醫師不大理麻醉科的在喊~因為隔BBB XD44F 01/11 03:09
推 Op53: 快推不然別人以為我看不懂48F 01/11 03:58
推 shintz: 知道什麼跟做什麼那段的描述真的超神50F 01/11 06:32
推 LABOYS: 我是物理系我榮耀 XDDDDDDDDD51F 01/11 07:04
推 lolic: 什麼都不知道 什麼都不做xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD52F 01/11 08:37
推 sp0112358: 醫學生和大便的分別挺傳神的xd 擴張那個指的是醫生以為前後兩個洞都擴張嗎?53F 01/11 08:49
推 Aragorn: 推 皮膚科弄乾弄濕用類固醇那段House MD有出現XDDDD57F 01/11 10:28
推 pxndx: 我是醫生,所以我覺得很好笑58F 01/11 10:29
推 eldar: XDD61F 01/11 11:20
推 thund: 不是醫生 但很多梗大概猜的到 滿好笑的XD63F 01/11 12:00
推 fracs: hide from的翻譯…64F 01/11 12:30
推 adairchang: 獵鴨季節每次看每次笑XDD 對於下診斷的分別很生動XD65F 01/11 12:32
推 KI780804: 藏100元哪段看不太懂...............67F 01/11 13:17
噓 evann: hide from的翻譯+1 改一下吧71F 01/11 15:22
推 emHong: 精神科醫師太好笑了XDDD73F 01/11 16:47
推 byline: 有深度,推!75F 01/11 18:17
推 sorryfly: 這次笑話太深了 要花時間理解XD76F 01/11 18:46
推 MadCaro: 快笑不然別人以為我不是醫生(妳本來就不是喔)82F 01/11 22:17
推 redblue9999: 神內聽說就是那樣 診斷很精確 不過你什麼都做不了
我們很確定這個病人是腦神經病變!! 然後無能為力..83F 01/11 22:34
推 ivy005: 我不是醫生,是商科生但都看懂了@@85F 01/11 22:49
→ g7063068: 藏錢那段是酸各醫生診斷時看的地方86F 01/11 23:33
推 pkn: 最後一個獵鴨的比喻超貼切XDDD87F 01/11 23:56
推 qtby: 看懂推XDDD89F 01/12 05:12
推 Lemmings: 快推 不然別人以為我看不懂90F 01/12 12:03
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