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My wife had cancer but my family didn’t call or visit | Mariella Frostrup | Life and style | The Guardian

A man says his mum and siblings did nothing while his wife had a mastectomy and chemotherapy. Mariella Frostrup says he must demand answers

太太得了癌症 家人卻不聞不問

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2016-11-06 21:46:49


I dislike my lazy adolescent stepdaughter | Mariella Frostrup | Life and style | The Guardian

A woman complains her husband’s teenage daughter is too busy taking selfies to help out. Mariella Frostrup suggests ways of trying to befriend her

#我不喜歡我的青春期繼女 #家庭版 #只顧自拍
#不幫忙做家事

My teen daughter is refusing a family trip with my partner

A woman is struggling to get her daughter to be more positive about her partner. Mariella Frostrup advises her not to foist a new family on the teenager

#青少年

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2016-11-27 23:18:21


http://click.mail.theguardian.com/?q...843f7b489fa9d55ea74d0a5b1b95ba
Fawlty Towers actor Andrew Sachs dies at 86
#訃聞

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2016-12-03 04:27:54


A letter to … My parents, who abandoned me to boarding school
The letter you always wanted to write

#寄宿學校

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2017-01-07 13:48:59


How we ‘fixed’ our diabetic dad – and saved his life | Life and style | The Guardian

When their father’s diabetes threatened his life, Ian and Anthony Whitington stepped in with a radical diet and fitness plan. It was a hard slog, but it worked

#父親 #家庭 #糖尿病

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2017-01-15 03:23:17

http://click.mail.theguardian.com/?q...2c8f5e4384912b56e9d3f1915c8af5
Should I abandon my son to my alcoholic husband?

A woman, whose son protects her from her abusive husband, wonders if she should leave without a trace. Mariella Frostrup responds

#酒癮 #家暴 #遺棄

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2017-01-22 23:06:14
※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2017-02-13 04:29:17

A letter to … My brother, who is now my sister
#兄弟變性成姊妹
#哥哥弟弟姊姊妹妹
#兄弟姊妹變性人

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2017-02-18 23:22:21


Horrible parents: a survival guide

Growing up with a difficult parent can be crushing. Is it possible to recover? Absolutely say the founders of a new website that helps people move on

#很糟的家長

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2017-03-12 03:20:24
※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2017-03-12 03:29:19

My husband died after I left. Now my daughter hates me

It’s common for a grieving child to deify a parent who dies and blame the surviving parent, says Mariella

#家暴 #想為丈夫在小孩心中留下好的記憶 #印象 #心臟病發 #怪罪 #分居 #離婚

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2017-03-12 23:05:55

https://www.plurk.com/p/m52kq8


‘My mum always told me I was white, like her. Now I know the truth’

As a child in a white Anglo-Irish family, Georgina Lawton’s curiosity about her dark skin colour was constantly brushed aside. Only when her father died did the truth surface





https://www.plurk.com/p/lvz0vw
https://www.plurk.com/p/lxhffv
https://www.plurk.com/p/m26u8p
https://www.plurk.com/p/ltmybm
https://www.plurk.com/p/lkyzwu

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anglo-Irish_people

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2017-03-19 00:11:45

Rio Ferdinand talks of pain and helplessness after wife’s death
• Ferdinand admits he ‘didn’t have a clue’ how to make a doctor’s appointment
• Former Manchester United defender reveals struggle as single father

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2017-03-22 00:33:52

Mum would hate the gush, but it's hard being apart on Mother's Day
Gary Nunn

On a recent episode of Australia’s Bride & Prejudice, a mother rejected her son for being gay. Gary Nunn has been thinking of his mum in the UK ever since

#澳洲 #不是傲慢與偏見 #兒子是同性戀 #尊重與溝通 #LGBT同志權益 #英國 #母親節


https://www.plurk.com/p/kuoc4j

https://www.plurk.com/p/kycy0d

https://www.plurk.com/p/lfbfro

https://www.plurk.com/p/lyt6lm

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2017-03-27 02:50:13
※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2017-03-27 02:50:41
※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2017-03-27 02:51:02

Tim Dowling: when the estate agent gets here, we’ll have to pretend we like it this cold

I notice a dark circular scorch mark on the face of the boiler. Interesting, I think. Interesting, and wrong

#房地產仲介 #夫妻吵架 #熱水爐

--
※ 作者: Ctea 時間: 2017-04-01 23:22:21
※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2017-04-01 23:29:17

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...474966&CMP=EMCNEWEML6619I2

My dad left, then my aunt told me he tried to seduce her - do I tell my mum?

Mariella Frostrup says the information may not be news to her mother – and warns against aportioning blame as her parents’ marriage is picked over

#父親外遇 #結婚38年突然離開

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2017-04-03 02:34:01

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...474966&CMP=EMCNEWEML6619I2
After 40 years I finally tracked down my dead brother

When his brother died at the age of nine, Richard Beard blocked out all memories of him. Nearly 40 years on, he goes in search of him

#死去的兄弟 #回憶塵封 #面對

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2017-04-09 03:55:17

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...474966&CMP=EMCNEWEML6619I2
My mum’s behaviour led to me being raped when I was a teen – how do I confront her?

Mariella Frostrup admires a reader’s attempts to come to terms with her past, but says she should be aware her mother may never take responsibilty for her actions

#爛家長 #強暴性侵害

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2017-04-10 04:16:52
※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2017-04-18 15:20:39
※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2017-04-18 15:21:58

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...474966&CMP=EMCNEWEML6619I2

A letter to … My mother, who hit me when I was a child | Life and style | The Guardian

不是家暴
暴力
家庭教育
懲罰
處罰
體罰
創傷
傳統觀念
打小孩

Becoming a mother myself has made me realise how cowardly it is to hit a child. I try to make sense of your reaction, but that beating is seared into my memory.

 I tried to discuss it one day, and you told me that it was so long ago, I should let it go. You wouldn’t even say sorry. Even now, you can’t see that you did something wrong.

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2017-04-18 17:03:53

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...474966&CMP=EMCNEWEML6619I2

I’m concerned that my children are no longer employable

Mariella Frostrup advises a mother how to stop her adult children living off the fruits of her labour

#在家蹲 #NEET #時代產物 #遷徙世代

> http://www.plurk.com/p/lxb03w

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2017-04-24 02:33:16

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...474966&CMP=EMCNEWEML6619I2
Should I stop my unhelpful sister being my bridesmaid?

A reader is unhappy that her sister is refusing to take on the role of party organiser, but Mariella Frostrup says being a bridesmaid should be a no-strings affair

#伴娘 #無用處 #妹妹 #婚禮籌畫

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2017-05-01 00:09:52

https://goo.gl/DDlFLR
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...474966&CMP=EMCNEWEML6619I2
My father, the ‘respectable’ paedophile

Anonymous
Saturday 6 May 2017 05.59 BST

My father viewed thousands of child abuse images over many years, but rather than accept his guilt, he blames my wife and me for ‘refusing to move on’ because we no longer let him see our young daughters

http://imgur.com/hSIy8ow

‘In his mind, he was not participating in the child abuse process. He was not abusing children. He was merely looking at pictures.’ Photograph: Andrew Brookes/Getty Images/Cultura RF

I learned of the arrest one summer morning a few years ago, when my father rang with the news: “This is very difficult for me to say. I’ve been using the internet to look at pictures of children, and I’ve been arrested. Now, because of your girls, social services are going to need to talk to you …”

In the months and years that have followed, I have learned more about my dad’s crime, but when unpicking what he did and uncovering the truth, rarely do I think back to that morning. So much of what he did is not contained in what he said. The fact that he was downloading, on his home PC, thousands of obscene images and videos of children and storing them on his hard drive. The fact that he had been doing it for many years, during which time my wife and I had lived in my parents’ house and, later, stayed regularly with our young daughters. The fact that one of the charges related to adult pornography so extreme as to be illegal. The comment from the judge that some of the images of children were “probably about as bad as it gets”. The video of a toddler being raped. The suspended prison sentence. The requirement to remain on the sex offenders’ register for 10 years. The report from the probation officer that questioned my dad’s level of “victim empathy”.

But some of what was to follow was contained in those first few remarks on the phone. “Very difficult for me to say,” he said. His thoughts did not seem to be on how difficult it was for me to hear. “Using the internet,” he said, to look at “pictures” of children. Layer on layer of minimisation; distancing himself from the abusive acts he was undertaking. In his mind, he was not participating in the child abuse process. He was not abusing children. He was merely looking at pictures, and not even actual pictures – he was just using the internet really; using the internet to look at pictures.

My mum stayed with my father. She said that everyone deserves a second chance. She wanted to be there to help “rehabilitate” him. My wife and I chose a different path. While I am happy to continue to see my father alone, we no longer welcome him into our family life, or let him see our children.

At the sentencing hearing, the judge told him that he created a market for child abuse and that what he did was an act of abuse. He did not grasp this when he first rang me, and I think still neither he nor my mother gets it. The seeds of the attitude he showed in that first phone call – the distancing and the minimisation – have grown and spread over the years, and I can see it in my mum as well. They referred to his suspended sentence as “some sort of community order”. He is only on the sex offenders’ register because that is “procedure”; the judge had no choice. And his lawyer told them that all sorts of upstanding members of society commit these crimes: accountants, solicitors, high-court judges. In his mind, and my mum’s, he is not like those paedophiles you read about in the tabloids; he is more of the respectable high-court judge variety. He has only found himself in this situation because of the rigid formulas set out in the sentencing guidelines.

During the year between my dad’s arrest and sentencing, my parents lived in a state of purgatory. Was he going to jail? Would their friends find out? Would it be in the papers? Would he be targeted? Other than telling no one outside the immediate family, and putting pressure on my sister and me to do the same, there was not much they could do but wait. Once the criminal proceedings had run their course, however, my dad told me that he and my mum wanted to “normalise relations on all levels”. They wanted my dad to be welcomed back into our family home, and reintroduced to our children. My wife and I said no. We did not want to “normalise relations”. Our relationship with my dad was not normal, nor could it ever be again, but we felt as if we were being pressured into acting as if none of this had ever happened.

My father attended a course for people who had been caught viewing child abuse photographs, and my mum did a similar course for spouses of offenders. She said that before going on the course she “would have reacted like you have”. She used to think “people who did this were monsters”. But now, she says, she understands that it is just “something that gets into someone’s head”, a “dopamine rush”, to which they become addicted. But I find this problematic, this reduction of the crime to a chemical process – purely an addiction to dopamine. Surely it misses the point that it is abnormal to experience a dopamine rush from viewing children being abused in the first place.

They compare our decision to that of other friends and family members who are willing to welcome my dad back into their lives, along with repeated references to how supportive and accepting others have been. We, by contrast, in their words, have not been “prepared to move on”. But the reactions of others are irrelevant to our decision. No one else has the same relationship with my parents as I do and so there is no one with whom an exact comparison can be made. Even if there were, two people can experience a situation in different ways, and both are entitled to have their decisions respected.


For a long time after my dad’s arrest, my mum would come to see us, play with our girls, chat and have dinner. But after these visits, she later said, she would cry and feel incredibly low for weeks. Her answer to this has been to stop coming to see us, and to stop calling, and – she has told us – it has worked. She now feels much better, she says.

I am incredibly sad about this. My interpretation is that we are being shut out because we are a reminder of the unpleasant reality. And yet we have not caused this reality. I am concerned about my mum, but it feels as though I am being punished – along with my family, including my mum’s young grandchildren – for the actions of my father. And with it I can feel an unspoken ultimatum: welcome my husband back into the family or I will not see you. Even in breaking the news – in that first phone call – my dad’s choice of words indicated that he saw my family and me as the problem. “Because of your girls, social services are going to need to talk to you.” I remember my anger; I thought: “It is not because of my daughters, it is because of you, and what you have done.” So little has changed in this respect: it is my parents who have not “moved on”.

My dad and I have talked about what he has done. But every time his apologies and admissions of responsibility feel to me as if they come from behind a glaze of arrogance. It is as if he thinks that the mere act of saying the words should, and will, exonerate him. I think he is angry, and genuinely baffled, that, in my case, it has not. For my part, I am angry and baffled as well: baffled that so many friends and relations seem to have welcomed him back as if nothing had happened, and angry that through no fault of our own we have found ourselves out on a limb, exiled by my mum for somebody else’s crimes.

I know from first-hand experience the emotional manoeuvres, the psychological contortions, and the linguistic sleights of hand a user of child abuse imagery will employ to play down the severity of his crimes. This is why the recent recommendation of chief constable Simon Bailey, the lead on child protection for the National Police Chiefs’ Council, makes me so angry.

Bailey has proposed not prosecuting viewers of child abuse images categorised as the least serious, referring to a lack of resources to deal with the large number of people committing these crimes. My understanding is that even if Bailey’s recommendations were put into practice, my father’s crimes would still have been serious enough to warrant prosecution. Nevertheless, the message Bailey is sending out plays into the hands of the perpetrators, and all those who seek to minimise the seriousness of viewing these images.

Perpetrators only get to hear the frank, unflinching words of a judge when a case is prosecuted, and in my opinion it was crucial that my father heard these words. For people like my father, the last thing we should be doing is strengthening the arsenal of arguments they can use to say that what they were doing was not that bad after all. Shining a light on these dark crimes is, in my opinion, the best way to counter them, and prosecution plays an important part in doing this. Sunlight, as they say, is the best disinfectant.

Topics:
- Family
- Parents and parenting
- Child protection
- Children
- Sex offenders register

#戀童癖 #無受害者之犯罪？ #依規定官僚法律程序 #登記在案10年期限 #兒童色情網站圖片 #匿名投稿 #供應與需求 #同情 #治療勒戒 #世俗眼光 #妖魔化 #歧視

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2017-05-07 01:18:36
※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2017-05-07 01:28:07
※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2017-06-18 16:31:13
※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2017-06-25 20:56:16

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...474966&CMP=EMCNEWEML6619I2
Lonely? It’s time to brush up your intimacy skills

Improving our ability to be more intimate in relationships is just another skill, like learning a language, says the neuroscientist Giovanni Frazzetto

#孤單 #孤獨 #親密 #學習新技巧

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2017-07-01 18:07:43

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...474966&CMP=EMCNEWEML6619I2
How much do your kids really need to know about your sex life?

After splitting up with her husband, Sylvia Brownrigg faced a dilemma. Should she tell her children about any new relationships, or her past one with a woman? Would they even be interested?

#性生活與黑歷史 #小孩 #分居 #離婚

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2017-07-01 18:08:24

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...474966&CMP=EMCNEWEML6619I2
Searching for sexiness in the 'weekend park dad' | Eva Wiseman

They stormed the Paris catwalks, and this season ‘weekend park dads’ with their Corbyn T-shirts and mini-scooters are having a fashion moment

#性感 #定義 #巴黎時裝走秀

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2017-07-03 01:17:35

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...474966&CMP=EMCNEWEML6619I2

My 13-year-old son sent a sexually explicit email to his teacher

A father is concerned his son doesn’t realise how serious his actions were. Mariella Frostrup says it’s up to parents to confront teenagers who think this attitude to women and girls is OK

My 13-year-old son, who lives with his mother, has been caught sending a sexually explicit email to a teacher at school. He did it from a schoolmate’s phone that had been left unattended. He denied it until he realised he was totally busted.

He has always had parental locks on his electric devices and we have both stressed discretion on the internet, and respect for women. Since the incident a search of his phone and iPad reveal three Instagram accounts that he’d set up with images of scantily clad woman.

The school has punished him suitably, bearing in mind his previous good record. His internet access is on shut down for everything but essential school work and his iPhone will be swapped for an old phone with no connectivity if there is a sniff of anything else going on.

My big problem is that he appears to be just going through the motions of saying he’s sorry. How can I get it into his head what a bad thing he’s done and get him to realise the severity of his actions?

#性別教育 #色情郵件 #師生戀？  #尊重女性 #青少年 #手機家長鎖

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2017-07-10 02:51:38

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...474966&CMP=EMCNEWEML6619I2
My mum and maths tutor are flirting, right under my nose

Mariella Frostrup says watching a parent find a new partner is hard – and should be happening with more distance

#媽媽與數學家教搭上了 #調情

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2017-07-20 00:37:41

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...474966&CMP=EMCNEWEML6619I2
Tim Dowling: ‘I take one last look around the house we’ve lived in for 24 years’

‘The honeysuckle has to come with us,’ my wife says. ‘It’s got my mother’s ashes in it’

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2017-07-29 22:33:22

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...474966&CMP=EMCNEWEML6619I2
The rise of the post-nuptial agreement: ‘My husband behaved like a rutting stag’

Vengeful wives are said to be turning to post-nups to punish their straying husbands. But there are other reasons why married couples might want to spell out how assets are divided on divorce

#婚後協定 #離婚 #有如發情的公鹿

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2017-08-04 00:52:38

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...474966&CMP=EMCNEWEML6619I2
‘There are ways to get through it’: Jason Watkins on the death of his daughter Maude

Even when you lose a child, there are still bills to pay and other relationships to nurture. The actor and his wife, Clara Francis, talk to Julia Hall about life after Maude, who died suddenly, aged two and a half

#喪子

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2017-08-06 02:12:44

[－]

> https://www.plurk.com/p/lu2j0t

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...474966&CMP=EMCNEWEML6619I2
My 18-year-old daughter is having a baby with my stepson

This may turn out to be the terrible mistake you foresee but you must get behind this young couple and support them, says Mariella Frostrup

The dilemma

I have been with my husband for 13 years, married for 11. We have children but not together. My daughter was five when we met, she is now 18 and my husband’s only child is 22. He recently moved back home with us and he and my daughter formed a very close relationship with each other. Back in July 2017, it came to light that my stepson and my daughter were having a sexual relationship. This has been going on for six months now and I recently found out that she is pregnant. I have seen my daughter for a total of an hour in the past five months as she moved out with my stepson to his mother’s. We have tried to talk on the phone, but it never ends well. I know some people feel it’s OK because they are not blood related, but they were raised as family and my husband and I feel betrayed and our family circle is broken. I miss my daughter like crazy, but I worry that the more I try the more damage is being caused. I want us to be a part of each other’s lives, but I am too hurt and can’t accept this. My heart is just too broken and I’m confused, conflicted and at a loss.

Mariella replies

Get over it. These kids are young adults now and about to have a baby. Whatever your reservations were and no matter how justified your misgivings, the horse has well and truly bolted and your only option is to get behind your daughter and stepson and give them your support.

#懷孕 #交往 #女兒 #繼子 #拖油瓶 #亂倫 #家庭的一份子 #打破了圈圈

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2018-01-22 20:59:07

> https://www.plurk.com/p/m52r8b

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...474966&CMP=EMCNEWEML6619I2
'I will always be amazed that I didn’t guess I was pregnant': having a baby at 15

Going back to school was hard. As a girl, you’re seen as feckless and out of control. But I was determined to be the best mother

t was then that I understood how bad the general perception is of teenage mums and unplanned pregnancy. Ten years on, I don’t think much has changed. Most of the criticism is still aimed at girls, whereas boys are almost expected to want to have sex – and certainly aren’t considered to have wrecked their lives if they father a child. As a girl, you’re seen as feckless and out of control, spoken about in the same hushed breath reserved for discussing people with alcohol or drug problems, and certainly seen as running wild, with no sense of responsibility. I was young, but I wasn’t irresponsible.

I was upset by the gossip put about (not by my closest friends) that I didn’t know who May’s father was, but in the end it made me realise that some people will always try to be nasty. I’d only ever had one partner, but you can’t retaliate – you just want the talk to go away.

#小家長 #性別歧視 #雙重標準 #檢討女生 #閒言閒語

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2018-01-28 00:45:37, 01:39:20

【一直想寫的信】 救了我女兒的粗魯女士，謝謝妳。

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...474966&CMP=EMCNEWEML6619I2
A letter to… the ‘rude’ woman who saved my daughter’s life

‘Thank you for beeping your horn when you did, for seeing what I hadn’t seen’: the letter you always wanted to write

#按喇叭 #看見我所沒看到的

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2018-02-18 02:05:36

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...474966&CMP=EMCNEWEML6619I2
My husband died and my son is angry I’m in a new relationship

Mothers and sons is the greatest love story never told, says Mariella Frostrup. Stay patient but don’t stop seeing your new lover

#喪偶 #喪夫 #寡婦 #第二春 #新歡 #親子關係

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2018-02-19 14:42:00

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...474966&CMP=EMCNEWEML6619I2
‘I went on a walk and returned to find my husband dead’

After her husband’s suicide, Kate Harding was overwhelmed by guilt and shame

#喪偶 #走出陰霾 #自殺

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2018-02-28 20:57:05

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...474966&CMP=EMCNEWEML6619I2
'I knew I wouldn't be a good mother. I just wanted to be sterilised'

How Rose Hughes, who has Asperger’s, fought a long battle to convince doctors to take her seriously

#亞斯伯格 #當個好媽媽 #說服醫生

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2018-03-06 21:51:48, 21:53:05

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...474966&CMP=EMCNEWEML6619I2
'I feared I'd be left with prejudiced children​ ​who didn't love me': life as a stepmother

One moment I was single, the next I was raising children who were conspicuously ‘not mine’

#偏見 #繼母 #單身 #拖油瓶

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...474966&CMP=EMCNEWEML6619I2
Tim Dowling: my wife’s listing all the men she’d marry if I ‘sadly passed’

‘I never think about what I’m going to do when you sadly pass,’ I tell her

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2018-05-25 01:17:00, 01:32:58

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...474966&CMP=EMCNEWEML6619I2
The twist in the tale of my parents’ malicious will

My sister and I escaped our abusive parents. But then she died and their vindictive influence returned…

#惡性循環 #不只是虎爸虎媽了 #虐待

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...474966&CMP=EMCNEWEML6619I2
My relationship with my daughter is now as bad as with my ex

The father of a teenager struggles to keep things civil with her – just as he used to with her mother. Mariella Frostrup says the couple’s ‘emotional hangover’ is hurting everyone

#親子關係 #父女 #前妻 #慣性 #習慣 #不之感激

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2018-06-05 22:02:23
※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2018-06-06 00:33:35, 00:34:30

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...474966&CMP=EMCNEWEML6619I2
Should my daughter forgive her lover’s party-girl antics and take her back?

Rather than choosing between adventure and thrills or settling down for the long haul, there is another way, says Mariella Frostrup – she could stay single and see what else comes along.

#女兒 #派對個性 #家長擔心 #單身

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...474966&CMP=EMCNEWEML6619I2
‘Mum and Dad had never been happy. Then he moved his mistress in’

I had to kiss her goodnight, but only on her hand, which she held out imperiously night after night

#外遇搬進來 #囂張

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2018-06-16 01:06:26
※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2018-06-21 22:01:11

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...474966&CMP=EMCNEWEML6619I2
My teenage daughter has gone to war with her dad. Can I help?

Mariella suggests a mother takes on the role of adviser rather than referee as her daughter begins the inevitable reshaping of her relationship with her father

#青少年 #反抗期 #女兒 #父女感情 #親子戰爭開戰

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2018-07-10 02:35:51

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...474966&CMP=EMCNEWEML6619I2
My mum is having an affair and has left. Now she won’t talk to us

Your frustration is understandable, Mariella Frostrup tells a woman who wants to save her parents’ marriage. But this is not your mess to clear up

#媽媽有外遇然後離家還不跟小孩講話 #拋家棄子 #不是你的爛攤

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2018-07-24 22:57:07

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...474966&CMP=EMCNEWEML6619I2
Can I contact my kids, 18 years after a really toxic divorce?

You must resolve the conflict you still feel towards your ex first. Then apologise to your children for walking away, says Mariella Frostrup

#離婚 #小孩 #解決衝突 #道歉

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2018-07-30 02:22:02

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...dianTodayUK&CMP=GTUK_email
My father believes the world is ending – and is abusive to my mother

It’s important to offer your mother a sympathetic haven from your father’s apocalyptic ideas, counsels Mariella Frostrup

#世界末日 #家暴

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2018-10-28 19:30:27

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...dianTodayUK&CMP=GTUK_email
A letter to… my used-to-be son

‘My pension cannot continue to increase the bank balance of drug dealers’: the letter you always wanted to write

#退休金 #毒蟲 #啃老族 #親子關係決裂

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2018-12-03 17:36:32

我的兄弟因為性虐我的姪女/外甥女而坐牢，而我的兒子卻怪她 ── 我是不是養出了怪物？

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...dianTodayUK&CMP=GTUK_email
My brother’s in jail for sexually abusing my niece, yet my sons blame her – have I raised two monsters?

You must feel enormous shock, but don’t project this anger on to your sons, says Annalisa Barbieri

#家人就該隱忍？ #性侵 #性犯罪

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2018-12-16 00:35:50

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...dianTodayUK&CMP=GTUK_email
I think my dad’s girlfriend takes advantage of him. How can I get over my anger at her?

Your father has an issue with boundaries, says Mariella Frostrup. Try to mend your relationship with him first

#爸爸的女朋友 #佔便宜 #界線模糊

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2018-12-23 23:46:47

新手單親媽 對自己的性向仍不確定
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...dianTodayUK&CMP=GTUK_email
I’m a newly single mother and confused about my sexuality

You and your ex’s roles as parents should be foremost in your mind, says Mariella Frostrup, not your sexuality

#同性戀 #雙性戀 #LGBT同志議題

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2019-01-07 01:52:28, 01:52:38

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...dianTodayUK&CMP=GTUK_email
My rich and grumpy dad said my Christmas gifts were awful | Christmas | Dear Mariella

Mariella Frostrup tells a man caught up in festive family tensions to ditch the present-giving charade

#送禮 #有錢又乖戾的老爸 #嫌聖誕禮物

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2019-01-21 21:32:33

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...dianTodayUK&CMP=GTUK_email
A letter to... my lazy wife and children

You kids are out of school now: life should be sweet. It isn’t

I was a teenager when I began working 42 years ago, and I’ve stuck it through tough times. You kids are out of school now: life should be sweet. It isn’t. It’s crap. I am depressed and exhausted. I expect to be “managed out” of my job soon.

#懶老婆 #寒假

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2019-02-03 02:02:43

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...dianTodayUK&CMP=GTUK_email
My partner’s teenage daughter has to be the centre of his attention

Seventeen-year-olds are good at triggering insecurities so stop being so easily provoked, says Mariella Frostrup

#伴侶的女兒 #拖油瓶

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2019-02-03 23:59:06

https://www.theguardian.com/commenti...dianTodayUK&CMP=GTUK_email
My twin brother is a convicted paedophile. How can I still love him? | Rape and sexual assault | Opinion

I cling to memories of who he was as a child. But the thought of the lives he has ruined sets my heart and head on fire

#雙胞胎兄弟 #戀童癖定罪 #龍鳳胎

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2019-02-14 05:04:00

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...dianTodayUK&CMP=GTUK_email
I can’t get past my strained relationship with my mother

It’s time to leave the past behind and forge a new bond, and the first step should be yours, says Mariella Frostrup

The dilemma I don’t have a very good relationship with my mum most of the time. It looks fine from the outside and she would probably disagree with me, but I often feel unhappy about it. I’m in my 30s and have always felt like my brother is treated very differently to me. I can see that she really loves him, but I don’t think she feels the same way about me, even though it might look it to people who don’t know us too well. I got into a bit of trouble when I was 14 and I don’t think she has ever felt the same way about me since. I feel like I am constantly trying to please her, but that it is never quite good enough. I realise I probably sound petty, but there is a lot more to it than that and it is something that genuinely upsets me.

#偏好兄弟 #重男輕女？ #母女關係

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2019-02-18 03:03:37, 03:04:38

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...dianTodayUK&CMP=GTUK_email
My son’s behaviour towards his sister and me is inappropriate

Something is clearly going on with your son, and you need to find out what, says Annalisa Barbieri

My son is 12 and on the cusp of puberty. For the last six months, his behaviour towards me and his 15-year-old sister has become oversexualised and inappropriate. This has included making lewd remarks and suggestions to her. He often grabs her, or strokes her hair or arms. He does the same to me, using language that sounds like lyrics from suggestive love songs. When going to and from the bathroom, he exposes himself and makes lewd remarks.

We’ve made it clear we don’t like it and want him to stop. He laughs and says he didn’t mean it. He rarely behaves like this in front of his father (we all live together). He goes to an all-boys school and I haven’t had reports of this there.

I’m at the end of my tether. I want to show him, in front of his sister, that his behaviour could be classed as criminal. I’ve tried punishments that we use for other poor behaviour. Sometimes this stops him temporarily. In general, he is quite an anxious, angry and unhappy person at home. I monitor his internet access and I haven’t found evidence he watches porn or adult content. He mostly uses it for gaming.

#兒子 #行為不妥 #青春期 #思春期 #姊姊 #成人 #色情片 #打電玩

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2019-04-09 05:28:03

該如何防止我前妻毀了我女兒的婚禮
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...dianTodayUK&CMP=GTUK_email
How do I stop my ex’s wife ruining our daughter’s wedding? | Ask Annalisa Barbieri

You want to protect your children, but they are adults. Don’t put yourself at the centre of conflict, says Annalisa Barbieri

I separated from my husband 16 years ago. We have two daughters. He went on to marry an aggressive, abusive narcissist who had a hand in rearing our children. She was, by turns, demanding, vicious and loving with them. I distanced myself but encouraged them to build a strong relationship with their father, which they did.

One of my daughters recently married, and my ex’s wife almost destroyed the wedding. She got extremely drunk, heckled the speakers and, when my daughter’s father was due to give his speech, she took the microphone, making an appalling speech that left the guests gasping in horror. She spoke disparagingly about the couple, me and herself, swearing throughout. We thought she was having a breakdown in public. The charm offensive began the next day with generic apologetic texts and, a week later, expressions of how upset she was by her behaviour. The girls are being bullied into forgiving her.

It feels as though my ex’s wife has a narcissistic cult around her, where everyone has to either collude with her behaviour or be shunned. My other daughter plans to marry and wants her father to give her away, but not if that means his wife comes to the wedding. How do I support the children? They have both said it can never happen again. How can I make sure it doesn’t?

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2019-05-03 22:00:59

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...dianTodayUK&CMP=GTUK_email
I thought ‘Secret Daddy’ was bad enough. Now I’ve discovered something worse | Romesh Ranganathan’s midlife crisis

My wife has dropped another bombshell

#中年危機 #MCU黑寡婦

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2019-05-04 14:00:59

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...dianTodayUK&CMP=GTUK_email
I don’t want my bullying mother on our holiday. Am I being unfair? | Dear Mariella

Your marriage has been hijacked enough, says Mariella Frostrup. Stop taking on your mother’s problems

The dilemma:

I’m 50 soon. I’m happily married, I have friends and my work is fulfilling – but I’m desperate. My mother has Avoidant Personality Disorder. She’s getting therapy, which she says won’t work. She never remarried or had a relationship since I was a baby, and she has no friends. Over the past few years, my husband and I have taken her on holiday. Now she keeps hinting that my husband “needs a holiday” – I know exactly what she means. I don’t know how to tell her that we need time to ourselves. She looks for chinks in my armour and is delighted when I’m wrong. I’m exhausted by her bullying, catastrophising and ridiculous silent treatment. I can stand up to her, but she denies her bad behaviour. She hit me once – she knew she’d gone too far and could see I was angry. She uses her illnesses, jealousy and loneliness as a lever against us. I’m forever treading on eggshells. I want a holiday, with my husband, alone, but it feels like I’m asking for too much. I feel like a crap daughter.

#霸凌人的媽媽 #跟著度假 #責任都自己扛 #心魔自己要面對

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2019-05-09 12:59:59, 22:42:38, 22:44:16
※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2019-05-10 01:59:56

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...dianTodayUK&CMP=GTUK_email
I’m 50 and baffled by the anger in the world, including my own

Our world of decreasing tolerance won’t be helped by the menopause or living with teenagers, says Mariella Frostrup, who suggests a trip to the GP and an online detox

#中年危機 #停經 #份世紀俗 #看什麼都不順眼 #線上戒酒 #跟年輕人一起住

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2019-05-13 04:35:50

https://www.theguardian.com/global/2020/mar/29/a-few-wise-words-for-my-nearly-adult-boys
A few wise words for my nearly-adult boys | Emma Beddington

What on earth should I teach my sons now they’re on the brink of flying away?

#給我即將成年的兒子們的幾句話 #即將離家 #家長給孩子的建言

※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2020-08-07 15:33:15 (台灣)

沒有我的同意為何把我生下來？ by 幼稚園小朋友

→ 為何要生下小孩；你生小孩的目的是為了什麼？

by 傅佩榮
#消滅哲學的基因 
※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2023-06-14 08:41:55 (台灣)
My Notepad, [24/11/2023 08:33]
‘I guess I’m never going to see you again’: how I learned to appreciate last moments | Joel Snape
https://www.theguardian.com/commenti...ned-to-appreciate-last-moments
‘I guess I’m never going to see you again’: how I learned to appreciate last moments | Joel Snape

Whether it’s saying goodbye to a parent or watching a favourite film with your child, final moments happen much more than we realise. There is a power in acknowledging them
#把握當下 #珍惜最後一刻相處 #道別 #說再見
※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2023-11-24 08:33:59, 08:57:59 (台灣) *
※ 編輯: Ctea 時間: 2023-11-24 18:01:11 (台灣)